Thoughts From Crudd

What's wrong with this picture?

2012-01-27T09:14:00.000-08:00

Here is a posting from a teaching job site:

Position:	Classroom Teacher
Subject Area:	Athletics (Coaching) State Certified
Beginning:	Aug 01, 2012
Deadline:	Feb 10, 2012**
Certificate:	Athletic Coach (K-12)

Job Description:
Somewhere* High School is looking for a Head Football Coach. Teaching assignments to be determined from one of the following areas: Special Education, Math, Social Studies, Physical Education or Elementary classroom.

Somewhere has enjoyed a rich tradition of football success over the past thirty years. Applicant should have complete knowledge of offense, defense and special teams, great personal skills, a high level of energy, integrity and character.

Applicants are encouraged to send a letter of application, resume', credentials, a copy of college transcripts and application form found on our website: www.somewhere.k12.ia.us to:

Administrator, Superintendent
Somewhere Schools
Somewhere St
Somewhere, IA 55555

Somewhere is located 25 miles southeast of Somewhere Else. A competitive salary and benefit package will await the candidate. Somewhere Schools is a 1:1 district with innovative practices and a dedicated staff.

The * means that I feel the school responsible for this should be embarrassed for it, so I changed the name.

Lets start with where Somewhere School's priorities obviously lie; continuing the "rich tradition of football success". While athletics are very important to student development, one only need look at the cry for "better schools" from the public to see where the priorities should lie. One thing that is agreed upon is that better schools will come from hiring the best, most qualified teachers possible.

So why is this school not advertising for a teaching position first, and the coaching second? It seems to me that the district is looking for a quality coach, and whatever this person is certified to teach, they will be shoved into. They may not necessarily be the best qualified for the teaching position. Is this what they mean by "innovative practices"?

If this district were closer to me, I would love to apply. I am certified to coach anything, and I'm smart enough to figure out how to coach high school football. It may even be fun to try to break that gender barrier. However, my priority is teaching social studies. I'm not only certified to do this, but highly qualified, and I think, one of those teachers that would help a school become better.

But this is not where this school's priorities lie, is it?

Joy

2012-01-19T12:54:00.000-08:00

I know I'm a nerd, but I would put one of those bumper stickers on the back of my car that says, "I'd rather be teaching..."

I know, LOSER!

But I would! Besides playing with my kids, being with hubby, eating and sleeping, (not necessarily in that order) I would rather be teaching.

And I got to for 3, sometimes more, classes a day, the last 6 days! I was asked by the middle school english and social studies teachers to explain the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to the 8th grade and introduce a joint project! I know! So exciting!

It was like spreading my wings and flying!

I made a Prezi, which is like powerpoint on crack, and I like playing with it. I just kept adding stuff to it, like I was addicted. I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning for 2 nights getting it ready, and even added stuff to it during the day! And what was supposed to be 1 or 2 days stretched into a week. I promise I wasn't trying to steal the class away, the teachers were very supportive and encouraged me to dive in, which I did, with a vengeance!

I got to add great critical thinking questions and pry open their minds to make them think about the issue in a new way, and relate it to them personally, and ask great questions and lead discussion.

It was pure joy! Imagine me, like that dog with his head stuck out the window and his tongue rolling out, feeling the wind blow through my fur (or hair, whatever).

Letter to my daughter's Kindergarten teacher

2012-01-10T12:16:00.000-08:00

Dear Kindergarten Teacher,
Every Tuesday your students have to bring something from home to share for show and tell that starts with the letter of the week. This week, we actually remembered! I know! We were shocked too! Over breakfast we consulted the class calendar and found the letter to be Ii.

No problem, we thought! I is a very common letter, right? Surely we have something.

The first thing to pop into may head was iguana. We have no iguana. Sammy the cat won't pass as one, but even if he did, it probably wouldn't be a good idea for our daughter to drag him to school, via a 1 hour bus ride.

I'm not sure where my ipod is, as I use it for running and I have a clever excuse to avoid that for a while. And besides, she's five, note the bus ride.

We didn't have an igloo in our Christmas decorations, which are still up.

Something illegal? An illness (already did that, I'm sure)? An idol (probs not appropriate for a Catholic school, huh?)? She could just take me, as an example of an Idiot, who can't think up something to take for a Kindergarten show and tell... FAIL!

Maybe we should have started thinking about this last night. I mean, I didn't even have my coffee half gone. It's a lot harder than we thought it would be.

But, gosh darn it! We actually remembered, we were going to send her with something!

Okay, we thought, how could we get some ice to make it to show and tell time in the afternoon? We could grab a big chunk, wrap it in bubble wrap, throw it in a little cooler and pray she doesn't open it until she hurdles the obstacles of the sitter, an hour on the bus with friends, a whole morning and lunch, until finally she would present in the afternoon. My husband and I debated the likelihood of this not ending in a messy, wet disaster. No dice.

I even considered pulling a dictionary. Now that I'm at work and have had my full dose of coffee, I thought of Illustration, which could be easy to take. Duh. Or an inch on a ruler. Or a toy plastic indian. A map of India, Israel, or Iran! A toy insect! An instrument! A bit of iron! Yes, I'm using the dictionary!

But my husband had a great idea. What helps hot things, like coffee, stay hot, and cool things, like ice coffee, stay cool? An Insulated mug! Of course! We just needed to focus, and drink our coffee!

Now, we had to consider the likelihood of our daughter remembering why the heck we had sent an empty travel mug to school with her. We did explain and quiz and make her say "Insulation" over and over again, but still, the probability is low.

Thus this letter.

Sincerely,
The Mother of a Kindergartner

Baby has a personality!

2012-01-09T07:32:00.000-08:00

I'm going to give away the name we have been thinking out. We've been trying it out on baby since New Years. I know it's odd to say but she really does have her own little personality and this name seems to fit her. Not only that, but she even seems to like it! She wiggles and kicks and rolls in response to it.

Lucinda Richelle Rudd

Lucinda means light, graceful or beautiful light. We will call her Lucy, Lu-lu, or Lou.

Richelle is the feminine form of Richard, in memory of Jeremy's dad. Richard means strong or powerful, and Rochelle means rock. Yep, that is so this baby!

So she'll be a strong light in our lives! And it has a nice ring to it when said all together. She's going to be a moose!

Only about 3 more months to go!

We need a little...

2012-01-06T08:52:00.000-08:00

The song "We need a little Christmas, right this very minute..." keeps running through my head, but instead of the word "Christmas", it should be something else. Christmas is over, and I'm good with that, but there seems to be something lacking.

So maybe it's PMA, but that's three words and doesn't quite fit. Positive mental attitude. Which I am attempting to find for my new years resolution thing. I would like to attract more positive energy into my life, but I need to put out what I want to get back. This is according to Wayne Dyer, author of "The Power of Intention." I love that idea, that I can manifest my destiny, pulling all I need from the universe by putting out what I want. It has worked brilliantly in the past for me.

I'm feeling a little desperate, which is not what I want to attract. I want to send out good Karma to get good Karma back. I want to find my groove. I've lost my groove.

When working with resistant learners in my job, my mantra is that they are somebody's baby. And if it were my baby, I'd want me to be kind to her. It's difficult when I am repeating the same things over and over again, and am disappointed when they do not do their work, do not pay attention, or do not act respectfully. I am struggling with this. I want to put out that I have a great rapport with these students and can help them to accomplish their goals.

With my coaching, I want to be a positive influence, and guide them to work hard for what they want and work together. But yesterday at practice, it was such a fail, and I feel then that I failed. I must be patient and repeat how to deal with and prevent drama within the team. Again. I want to put out that we are a strong, smart, hardworking team that people look up to. I want to be proud of them.

With my parenting, this morning was all off. We always end up yelling at our children and becoming frustrated when we have to do things for them because there is no time for them to do it themselves. The look on my daughter's face this morning broke my heart, and I yelled at my husband, blaming him, but it is me too. I want to put out there that we have it all together, our morning routine works like a charm, and when it doesn't I can concentrate on what is truly important instead of being worried about being late.

And finally, I'm up in the air about next year. There are so many unknowns, like how this baby will be and how easy or difficult it will be to care for her or feed her. What will this mean for me getting a job next year? I really want one, really, really bad. I'm so desperate that I'm putting out there that I'll never get one, frustrated that there are no postings yet, no signs, no chatter of possibilities. And what will I do if I don't get a teaching job? Will I be aiding again? Is that what I want to do? I want to be rolling in possibilites. Actually, I want a social studies teaching position with my own classroom at the school I aid and coach at now.

Because all this stuff is not falling into place easily, I swing back and forth from feeling hopeless to feeling angry and frustrated, and kind of panicky. I should be putting out to the universe that I have everything that I need to accomplish my goals, that I am capable and confident in my ability and the universe's ability to care for me.

So I need a little groove back, right this very minute!

Emily's Baby Announcement

2011-11-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

She's really hoping for a little sister, thus the eyelashes! Almost 17 weeks!

Hello?

2011-11-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

Hey, look! This blog is still here!

I wonder how many people have stopped coming since I haven't posted in forever!

Just wait...

... big news coming soon!

Wonderful Wedded Weekend Without Wippersnappers

2011-06-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

On June 2nd we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. I sometimes cannot believe I got so lucky to find the perfect match for me at such a young age, that we practically grew up together. We know what makes each other tick, we make a great team. I remember how proud I was on our engaged encounter when we cruised through the "things you really need to discuss and agree upon before you get married" as saying, "yep, check, got it, did it, right on!"

We spent the couple days around our anniversary with our friends who just moved back to Iowa in their stylish and quaint house. We sat up way too late talking, drinking and having fun, slept in a little and were greeted with eggs grilled in peppers and toast, walked to the library, ate Mexican for lunch, lunged the kiddos at the park, went out for drinks and conversation that evening, slept in a bit again the next day, and then left for home. It was like staying in a Bed & Breakfast!

But, we were with children... and we hadn't "escaped" anywhere exotic. So, we made plans for the girls to go stay with Grandma! Friday night to Sunday afternoon, free! As free as if we were just the two of us! It has been longer than I can remember since this has happened, and it was well overdue!

So as soon as the girls eagerly dragged Grandma out the door, (they literally shoved shoes on while chewing the last of their lunch and grabbed Grandma by the hand, and said, "See you later, love you, bye!" to us without so much as a glance backwards!) we looked at each other and were confused... what do we do now?

So, we took advantage of no kids and indulged in window shopping, a walk along the riverwalk, and then a Hal Jordan fix - The Green Lantern! Then for drinks and dessert at a friend's house! The next day, we slept until...

...wait for it...

9:30!!!

Then we putzed around the house drinking coffee at a leisurely pace until we decided what we would do with our day. Hiking, it was decided, would be our activity of choice. We loaded up the water bottles, laced our boots, and consulted the book of Iowa hiking trails. Pikes Peak was looking good as we hopped into the car and headed out.

We decided to head to McGreggor, a little past the turnoff for the park, for some lunch before our hike. What a cute little tourist trap! Tons of kitchie stores, history, antiques, bars, B&Bs everywhere. After a lovely lunch at the brewery, where we sampled the local concoctions, we strolled through the town. I'm plotting a couples weekend or girls day out!

Then we drove to the park and spent three hours tromping around in the woods, not another person in sight! We covered 8 miles of hilly terrain, enjoyed the scenery and each other's company, got plenty of exercise and fresh air! We finished the day by renting the 2nd to last Harry Potter movie. Ahhhhh, it was the perfect day!

The next day I nuked gas station cinnamon rolls (surprisingly good because they were drenched in a thick blanket of creamy frosting!) and made the coffee to greet the best daddy ever (next to my daddy, of course) for his father's day! I know other people say this about their husbands, but when I say it, I mean it! Who else would put up with all my crap and our children's crap, really? We enjoyed our breakfast, went to church where I lectored (the mic was not working, again... I'm starting to think it's me because it only happens to me), and then headed out to be reunited with our wonderful little angels (said with only mild sarcasm).

Lunch with Jeremy's mom and his brother's family, and then off to my parents, where I went with my daddy to put some holes in targets with a 22, 45, and 9mm. Good times! Then home again, home again, jiggity jig!

It was such a wonderful weekend and we did so much! Several times we looked at each other and marveled at how well we worked together and all that we do together, and were just thankful that we were in each other's lives!

It's not about me

2011-05-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

Coaching is not about the coach, I try to remember that. But after all the success my kids have had this past year in each of the sports I coached, I can't help but sit back, smile, let the pride I have in each of them gush out of me!

Nine of them are moving on, and I can't help but feel greatful for the short amount of time I had with them. I so look forward to the ones I will have next year.

They all taught me so much, and I reveled in all their successes! Each PR, each mastery of a new move, each advancement or placement or seconds shaved off was cause for celebrating for me, even though they were the ones who did all the hard work and preparation to make it happen. I'm still really proud of them.

My husband is the best!

2011-05-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

I truly don't deserve the man I married. A lot of times I don't appreciate him like I should, but let me sing his praises right now.

At this very moment, he is in our master bathroom, transforming it from a plywood project into a sensational spa retreat, after having spent the whole day with our almost 3 year old, grocery shopping, planting a garden and cooking dinner. And I'm pooped!

He is very patient with me. I'm not high maintenance in the buy lots of clothes, jewelry, or shoes, but I'm difficult in my own way. He must really love me! I'm very thankful for him!

I'm done now.

2011-05-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm done whining. The teacher that got that job student taught in Egypt during the revolution. That's pretty cool, I would have hired her too.

And a 7th grader at my school lost her life in a car accident this week. Really puts things in perspective. I'm going to hug my kids more.

And happily, Addie turned 5! She had a great birthday! The big party is on Sunday. I should really take more pictures. I ordered 200+ pics from snapfish the other week. Now I just need to take more.

And track is almost done. I've really enjoyed coaching those kids, just not the weather or being gone from home so much.

Summer will be awesome!

Downer

2011-05-03T07:30:00.000-07:00

I did not get that job. I did not even get an interview. I got an e-mail saying they hired someone else. I have so many questions.
Why did someone else get it?
What was wrong with my application?
Am I obsolete?
Am I a bad teacher?
What now?

I could be anything I want to be, I've considered it heavily. But why was I given this passion for teaching in a classroom? I don't even know how to describe the feeling I get when I get to teach, when kids are learning. A conversation with a Senior track girl on a long ride home from Drake Relays made me realize other people have this pull too.
With an air of awe, she said, "When I'm working with a child, helping them with their speech, and they say something that I taught them how to say, my eyes fill with tears. I know this is what I'm meant for!"

I said I knew exactly how she felt, and I do, I really do.
Why do I have this feeling if I'm not going to do this with my life? Why don't I have this feeling for staying home and raising my own children? I feel like I'm getting burned out, tired, old, before I really even start my career, and these good years are being wasted on waiting.

Very frustrated.

JOB!

2011-03-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

Two important developments in my life:

First:
I got a job! For the rest of the year, I'm a teacher's assistant at the middle school where I coach. I got off the sub lists at my other schools and accepted this job offer because I was able to work in the classroom every day at the same place, without missing days that we have track meets. I essentially hound three students who are at-risk all day. They are in danger of failing, mainly because they aren't organized and don't prioritize their time yet. Part of my usefulness is to document what is happening so it can be presented for IEPs. I can truly help these students, and that feels nice.

The thing is, as was blatantly pointed out by a student one day, I'm not a teacher. And it certainly isn't social studies!

This kid simply put out in words one day what my apprehension toward this job is. It was the start of math class, and the teacher wasn't in the classroom yet. The natives were getting restless, so I decided to review what we had learned yesterday. When I announced this to the class and walked up to the board with the marker, I was met with resistance, groans, and the phrase, "But you're not a teacher!", which is exactly when the "real" teacher walked in, scolded him, and apologised profusely. She pointed out I was actually a certified teacher. But, in that situation, he's right.

I love having colleagues, they respect me, I'm doing important work, it's convenient in my life right now, but... it's not my end goal. It's not what I dream about!

Which brings me to the 2nd important development:
There's a job. It is a social studies job. It is in our school district. It was brought to my attention by two teachers in that building who are rooting for me, one of which is in the social studies department. I think it was MADE for me!

My sources tell me that a technology teacher is retiring, and leaving a few computer courses open, but it's not full time. Departments were asked where they needed another teacher. The one teacher pushed for social studies. He's pretty good at being a squeaky wheel and getting things for his department. As soon as it was posted, he let the English teacher that I sub for know to let me know. And they both said they would like me to teach there and they would write recommendation letters for me. YAY!!!

A job! A real job!

Now here's my problem (well, besides the fact that I still need to actually apply once I get the recommendation letters, still need to get an interview or two, and still need to get actually offered a job):

I am attached to my cross country and dance team kids. My biggest holes in my heart were put there by me doing what I had to do for myself and my family, following my dream, and leaving people I cared about behind. Not that they can't live without me, and they understand, but I just hate disappointing people that I'm fiercely loyal to. My former colleagues, my friends I have grown close to, my students I have taught and loved, and athletes I have coached and loved. Having to move away from them has broken my heart, and I dread doing that in this situation to further my career. But, teaching is such a big part of my life, having my own classroom is too much to pass up.

Ideally, what I would love to happen is that the school district I coach at would find a social studies position for me. Then I could stay and teach and coach. I would love that. I did ask the superintendent, who is the principal where I'm working now too, to write a recommendation letter for this. I'm hoping it will light that fire. I know there's a plan here somewhere, and it will all work out for the best. One step at a time, right?

Regulations and pre-school candy

2011-03-05T13:48:00.000-08:00

The above picture is Addie's Valentine's Day booty. Half of it (the stuff on the right) is what we pitched. The stuff on the left includes the cards. Notice that it is mostly candy!

This year Addie went to Preschool courtesy of Iowa tax payers. The price for this was a whole slew of strange regulations. Some of these included:

No apples or carrots, because they are choking hazards.

No home-baked goods because they're not healthy and people could put poison and stuff in them.

So what does one bring for a birthday/half birthday/holiday party? Food items that are wrapped. What are some of the most popular to give 20 three and four year olds?

Jawbreakers
gobstoppers
suckers
pixie sticks
crack dippers (I forget what they are called because I pitch them as soon as I get them out of her back pack, but they're the pouches that you dip a hard candy stick into and lick off the colored sugar.)
gum

And this happens at least once a week, if not twice! The load is usually not one small treat per kid, but a small baggie.

I gotta say, who the hell gives their 3 or 4 year old any of this? Maybe as the teacher, if I'd had a particularly bad day, I may feed them snacks with a ton of sugar at say, 2:50, and promptly send them into their parent's arms, but that's because I'm vindictive.

Most of that crap goes in the garbage. And the stuff they can actually eat (or that we actually like) is too much for us! If they're so worried about the safety and health of my child, stop giving this stuff to them... give them an apple or carrot and we'll take our chances!

Today, they learned something!

2011-03-03T20:04:00.000-08:00

I know they size me up. Most of my teaching career, actually most of my life, people have taken one look at me and thought they knew.

Knew I was soft.
Knew I was shy.
Knew I couldn't handle it.
Knew they would eat me alive.
Knew that I didn't stand a chance.

But it's them that didn't stand a chance. My classroom discipline motto has always been to speak softly, and carry a stick of chalk. Because I don't need to yell. I have other ways of getting what I want.

I am a manipulator. I foster relationships with my students so that they want to make me happy, make me proud of them. If I don't get what I want, I make it very clear that 1, they've disappointed me, 2, they should be disappointed in themselves, and three, they'll only get out of life what they put in. My genuine praise of them makes it this way. And it helps that I'm an expert at guilt trips. Learned from the best Catholics!

Here's two examples:
Tough guy in cross country tells off a janitor before practice after she yelled at him to get off a table. I made it clear he needed to apologize to her. He did. No yelling.

Dance team seniors want "a life" and only want to perform at 5 home games. I bargain for 8. They ended up with 15 performances. Manipulated.

So now I am the only female coach for track, in charge of mid distance and distance. I feel I'm taking some grief from the guys. They don't know me, they figure I'm no expert and they don't need to listen. The first practice they had me we did a ladder up to 600 meters. After we got to the top, my declaration of heading back down was met with groans and whining. After some warnings from my cross country kids who know better, it continued. To which I said, "Oh, I'm sorry! Did I say 400 meters? I meant 600! Here we go!"

But today, after a few cocky comments and not paying attention, I gave them a very hard day. They learned after the 5th hill to stop asking when they'd be done. They stopped complaining by the 9th hill. They started listening to me on the 13th hill. After the small hills we headed to the notorious "Dam" hill, which is painfully long. one asked if that was our destination. I smiled and they replied "Yay?" (as if saying, oh my god I'm going to die, but I'm going to try!). I rewarded them by telling them instead of 2 hills, as I had planned, because they didn't complain, they would only do one. And finally, after 17 small hill sprints and 1 "dam" hill, when asked if they were tired, they said yes. When asked if they had a hard but good workout, they said yes. And finally, when they were asked if they were done, one said, "NO!". I smiled and said I loved the attitude, was proud of them for working hard and not complaining, and that yes, they were done! They told the head coach they had a great workout. I think they learned something today!

Scattered thoughts

2011-03-02T11:08:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've written. I have so many different components in my life, it's hard to get one theme down in any given post, so I've been avoiding it. And I've been busy! I've been doing 3 or more days of subbing at 3 different school districts.

I'm finishing up coaching the dance team. This coming Monday is the Strut Your Stuff show, a fabulous end to our great season. There will be 16 routines, which includes their 2 "award winning" state routines, 5 routines they choreographed themselves, 5 solos, and grade school kiddos. It will be quite the production. I've even started working on next year, if it's not too presumptuous to assume that I will be the coach again, and booked hotel rooms for state competition. Just to brag, it's closer to the events center, has free parking, free breakfast, and a pool, and it is LESS THAN HALF of what we paid for this year!!! I love a good deal!

And, I've been hoodwinked, fairly willingly, into being the assistant coach for girls track, concentrating on the distance! However, I'm being constantly tested by the boys and their coach, who I'm trying not to peg as a chauvinist, but I suspect he is. Last week he told me not to run with them, but to stand in the hall and babysit, making sure no one walks. Then he changed the plans without consulting us when he said he would show me how to use the weights, and yesterday he cancelled an appointment again. His boys also got a taste of "Coach Rudd means what she says." After making it to the top of a ladder workout at 600m, I said it was time to go back down to 400. Whining and asking if I was serious was met with "Shut up!" from my cross country runners who know what I'm like. It continued, so I said, "Oh, I'm sorry, did I say 400? I meant another 600! Here we go." They didn't complain as much after that. Today will be a three mile run. Can't wait to see if they have learned their lesson.

I've signed up for an 8k next weekend. I hope it gets dramatically warmer. I'd really like to run in 50 degree weather, as opposed to 20 degree! Competition makes me nervous, but I'm going to do it anyway. It is good to work to overcome fears, especially since my team will be going through these same fears this season.

And I've picked up a job. The same school I've coached at has offered me an aide job to 3 students who are at risk. I go back and forth about it. Professionally, it's a step backwards from teaching and pays less per day than subbing, but it does make me more invaluable to a great district, will allow me to build relationships with colleagues, is a steady pay check, will allow me to have a regular routine, and allows me to be there and working despite the meet schedule for track. In addition to that, I can be very helpful to these students, and that's what it's all about, right? I will start in 2 weeks.

And then there's the rug rats and hubby! Addie aced her "Kindergarten Assessment Evaluation" with flying colors! Or, because I have no idea what kind of questions it involved, and the general comments were, shall we say, VERY general, I am more or less assuming my child scored off the charts and should be classified as no less than a genius! Regardless, it says that she is ready to go. Emily is pretty much potty trained. She is ever so proud when she poops, and insists on showing us, and I am most impressed, usually because the kid can poop like an elephant! She has a few accidents now and then when she's playing hard or sleeping, but hasn't worn a diaper for a good 3 weeks! So nice! Jeremy is working on his special talent of carving Jesus. He got another commission from a church in Ames to do their processional. It looks awesome! He is truly gifted!

I think that's all I've been up to! Now maybe in future posts there will be less topics!

Whiney toddlers?

2011-01-07T12:46:00.000-08:00

I have a terrible two year old and a frightening four year old. The oldest is the most baffling. She's smart, funny, beautiful and totally infuriating! She randomly refuses to do things we ask of her, digressing into some sort of crazy madwoman, complete with tears, wails, throwing and kicking. She's moody, one minute saying, "I love you, Mommy!" and the next she's screaming, "I hate you Mommy!" And it's all over the fact that she refuses to feed the cat or put her dish on the sink, or have me brush her hair!

Really?

And the two year old just thinks it's normal, so she starts doing the same thing.

But the worst is the whining. At the faintest hint she's not going to get what she wants, she starts wimpering and protesting, as her little fair face crumples. It's not like she gets what she wants when this happens, so why does she keep doing it? I know she's only four (and a half), but it just seems so immature. And it's driving me batty!

I'm watching the future leaders right now.

2010-12-13T11:26:00.001-08:00

Right now, I'm subbing in an AP Calc class. Calculus is all Greek to me. There are 9 seniors, 2 of them I've coached, one of them is a neighbor and sits for my kids. They could have blown off today, it being a 2hr late start.

They had their books open before I had taken attendance, and all but shoved me out of the way, eager to get to the white board. Each of them took a problem and started explaining it to the class. The room is full of "You missed plugging in your D value." "No, look at your dA/dt, right here." "Is that right?" "Explain that again." "Can I borrow your brain next year?"

I love it. These guys get it! Self starters, motivated to do their best, understand, explain it to others, help out. And even though I've only had a small part in a few of their school careers, I feel proud of them!

These guys are going to be the 20% in the world that are the great leaders. Have faith that this generation is not lost!

Things that must be said.

2010-12-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

This mostly has to do with random thoughts that pop up while I'm driving, that should be a tweet (twat? twat?) or a crackbook status, but since I'm not a texter, the thoughts go unsaid.

The first is that on my way to one of my sub jobs, on an old county country road, in the middle of nowhere, is an explosives manufacturing business. Really? They make explosives? I always wonder just how dangerous it is in there, because the building is relatively unassuming. And, I think, would this be a possible terrorist target? What if it's a cover for top secret government weapons? I mean, I pass it at least once a week, just what is it doing out there? By posting this, am I going to end up on a watch list? hmmmmmm.

The next is that sometimes I have a nearly uncontrollable urge to exit off the interstate while maintaining the same speed, blow past the stop sign, and shoot right back onto the on ramp. One of these days I may not be able to control it!

And finally, when I'm stressed out, I try to put a seat belt on, whether I'm in the car or not. I sit down, on the couch, at a desk, to supper, and I involuntarily reach for my seat belt. Not sure why.

I feel much better, now having said all that!

Recovering toddlers are crabs!

2010-12-09T17:31:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday, Addie hit a fever of 104.6 and threw up three times. I was gone to state dance competition, so my husband had to deal with her alone. Emily then got a fever and felt sick. The next day Emily was doing better, but Addie was still in the 103 to 104 range as soon as the Motrin wore off. She was a slug on the couch. She stayed that way until Monday morning, when it appeared that the fever was gone. It was a good thing too, because that evening was the Christmas Pageant she had been preparing for and talking about since the beginning of school. I called the school and said I'd keep her for the morning, just to make sure, and then she could come for lunch and finish out the day, and make her debut.

By 9:30 it was apparent that she was not doing better, and her temperature was back at around 101. She melted down at the slightest bit of resistance, and found herself in bed by 10am where she passed out until 1 when I woke her to drag her into the doctor.

It was one of those mommy-second-guessing moments. She's had a fever for 6 days, but it is lower, and really what are they going to do? But what sort of mother lets their kid have a fever for 6 days? I took her, and consequently felt stupid because he said whatever it was was on its way out and to call if it wasn't gone in two days.

So no pageant, and she stayed home the next day, where she spent the morning screaming at me anytime I told her something she didn't like. She could have moved into time-out she spent so much time there.

Finally, she was fever free for 24 hours and I shipped her butt off to school. It didn't go so well. Much to her aggravation, she learned that she had missed the pageant and was very upset the whole day. Her teachers sent a note explaining they "gave her a break" because of the trauma inflicted by her bad mommy not explaining she was going to miss it and didn't prepare her for her friends asking where she was.

Tonight, the class A melt down came at 6pm when she informed us she was not going to finish her supper, but would throw it on the floor, unless we stopped making the wrong kind of cookies! Screaming and kicking and crying ensued, quickly followed by a hosing off and chucking into bed, where she was passed out before her head hit the pillow.

I hope this is the last day! Her crabbiness has got to end!

I never do these things...

2010-12-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

...because they take forever. But I thought it would be a fun blog post. There are some stupid questions that would be better replaced by something more meaningful, since it takes an eternity to complete anyway. But here is my "Getting to know you" crackbook chain activity:
You've been tagged (as have I), you have the honor of copying all these goofy questions, writing your own response, and tagging 25 other victims. You have to tag me so really you just need 24 more people. To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your title as "Getting to know each other!", tag 25 people including me (tagging is done in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish. (I actually tagged more people, just to spite them!)

1. What time did you get up this morning?
6AM (I wish it would have been later!)

2. How do you like your steak?
Mooing

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Eat, Pray, Love (sucked, IMHO) but loved the GNO

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Grey's/Desperate Housewives

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
I think I'm here! (except I could do without the cold and snow!)

6. What did you have for breakfast?
COFFEE!!!!

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Anything my husband makes!

8. What foods do you dislike?
Lemon filled bismarks disguised as Boston Creme; that is just EVIL

9. Favorite place to eat?
Hu Hot... even the name is fun to say... go ahead, try it... HU HOT!

10. Favorite dressing?
Ranch

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
The Blue Eagle (AKA Town and Country short bus)

12. What are your favorite clothes?
My power suit with the pink cami and kitten heels!

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
The middle east or Rome

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
depends; if the coffee is 1/2 anything, it's bad. However, if the wine is 1/2 anything, someone is having a good time!

15. Where would you want to retire?
Someplace close to family, as long as I had money to travel

16. Favorite time of day?
10:09pm

17. Where were you born?
St. Joseph, Michigan

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Dance (IS TOTALLY A SPORT, MEL!)

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
Well, I haven't tagged people yet, as I type this. And perhaps, by saying they will not tag me back, they actually will to prove a point, because if they are spiteful, like me, they will do it just to prove me wrong... so in that case...Jeremy, Heidi, Trinity, Levi, Adam... I apologize if I've forgotten anyone.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
Let's just see who has too much time on their hands... like me... right now.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Probably my neighbors!

22. Bird watcher?
Only at my MIL's because she puts out a ton of birdseed, and word gets around! Some of those birds are so huge they need to go on a diet!

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Really? All morning people should be shot...

24. Pets?
2 cats, 2 kids, and a husband. The shedding is the worst!

25. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share?
Baby 3... no, just kidding. Talk to me next year...

26. What did you want to be when you were little? honestly?
A marine biologist. 10 years of getting thrown into freezing cold water before 7am for swim team killed that dream.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Traveling everywhere in minivans with the McKees

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
cat

29. Are you married?
9 1/2 years

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Yes

31. Been in a car accident?
Yes

32. Any pet peeves?
See #8 and #23. Also silly bands, spam, and people who go slightly under the speed limit.

33. Favorite pizza topping?
The works

34. Favorite Flower?
Lavendar and Lilac for smell, but the first tulip in the spring is the best. Oh, and all kinds of tiger lilies.

35. Favorite ice cream?
B&J Creme Brulee

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Does subway count?

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? .
none

38. From whom did you get your last email?
The Scooter Store: I may be eligible to recieve a power chair or scooter at little to no cost... see #32...

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Target, but how would that be different?

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Took an industrial tech class on a short, unauthorized, mini field trip to the back lot of the school to check out their progress on a shed they were building... I was impressed! Also, taught an Algebra class actual math!

41. Like your job?
Love teaching, want my own classroom sooooo bad!

42. Broccoli?
Yum

43. What was your favorite vacation?
The summer of continuous road trip: From MA to home in Iowa, to Colorado, to Devil's Tower, to Walldrug, to Badlands, to Mt. Rushmore, to Iowa, to Rock Island, to MA to Sweden, to MA. Fun!

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
The Maquoketa Valley Dance Team!

45. What are you listening to right now?
Pachelbel Canon in d

46. What is your favorite color?
green

47. How many tattoos do you have?
none

48. Coffee drinker?
HELL YES!!!

49. What nicknames do you go by?
crudd, mom, mommy, coach, woman

Feeling down and looking for a pickmeup

2010-11-29T11:15:00.000-08:00

Irritated by some news today, I went searching the net for some comfort. And here it was.

Trees that Wood

Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."
Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time. Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

Bucket Lists

2010-11-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I subbed in a room where listed next to the teacher's desk was a bucket list. It was just out there in the open for anyone to see. The students even commented on it. But it wasn't what I would expect from a bucket list. Not a compilation of crazy feats or adventures, but expectations of a good life.

There was:
Stay married to my wife my whole life.
State a positive comment for every negative comment.
Coach a state champion.
Go to church every Sunday.
Give out 10 compliments a day.
See all my kids graduate college.
Retire between the ages of 55 and 65.

There were some high adventures too:
Run a half marathon.
See Niagara Falls.
Go on a cruise.

I was just so impressed with the simplicity of these goals, but as I thought about it, some of them were rather daunting. Could you really accomplish some of these? What a great and bold thing to even write them down and attempt them, I don't know that I'd have the guts to do even that. These are things that you just say, or take up as short term goals. His list was dated 1988, and some things were crossed off with dates next to them. Others, I imagine, his family will look at after he is gone, and finish the crossing off.
Pretty cool! What's on your bucket list?

Getting over disappointment

2010-11-21T09:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the dance team's first competition. It was districts, we competed against 6 teams, and we didn't place. First place went to Cascade, the team to beat. They were AMAZING! Not a finger out of place, great music, high energy choreography.

We took our state pom routine. The same one we will compete against these teams with at the state competition. Against Cascade.

I'm not a very eloquent coach, who knows what to say when their team is disappointed. It wasn't their best performance. Some were scared, there were plenty of mistakes, and their energy could be higher. Some even seem bored with it. They still can't get their turns in second, or triples.

I did not say they sucked. I did not say they were worthless or horrible. I also didn't say that the team that took third didn't deserve it, that it was simple and wasn't sharp. I also didn't give the excuse that Cascade has year round strenous practice with a fully mirrored dance studio and a feed-in program that trains them from toddlers.

I also didn't say what I fear they feel: what is the point, if we are going to take this same routine to state, how will we get good enough to beat Cascade in 2 weeks?

What I did say was that they did well, I was proud of them, and now we know what we need to work on. It's just that I don't know how to do it. What do I say to get them fired up, to do their best?

And we will continue to face challenges after State. They seem to think state is "graduation" and that things will get easier afterwards. Moving ahead in the season, I want them to choreograph new routines to perform at every other home game. They have been resistent to this and to practice every day for 2 hours. When I told them about performing at the US Cellular center, one said we could take our hip hop routine from state. I said no, they would be doing a new routine. The seniors balked. How do I get them past that?

Thinking out blog

2010-11-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

I used to write in my bathroom when I needed to think. I would take a notebook, huddle up on the floor next to the heat vent, and just write. I write like I think, and I didn't worry about spelling or punctuation or proper anything. My handwriting is atrocious, and became much worse the faster I thought. Getting it down on paper helped me straighten out my thoughts, clarify what I really wanted, finish conversations, get the last word in. It also helped me solve problems, and let go of guilt or "shoulduves."

I'm not sure why it was the bathroom. I could be in there for a long time and no one would bother me or ask what I was doing (because they thought they knew!).

I chew on problems. No, it's more like mauling, even long after it's dead and over, like a huge woolly bear after it woke from hibernation. Or, like me with my daughters Halloween candy on a cold fall night. Endlessly mauling...

The only way to stop the carnage is to talk it to death. I review the case over and over with anyone who will listen; my friends, my neighbors, my husband, my parents, random strangers standing in line at the grocery store. Talk, chew, maul, talk chew maul...

But now I have blogging, and writing is still a great way to get it all out and say all I want to say, and look it over, and maul it over. I'm not really sure that anyone reads this anymore, which is kind of fun, but kind of strange too. Because I don't really write the thoughts out to get advice (sometimes, but not always), but to get them out there somewhere, so they're not stuck in my head.

So I guess you could call it thinking out blog.

My family and God's plans

2010-11-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

I've missed my family lately. Sometimes I leave at 7:30am and don't get home until 6:30 at night. I see my husband and kiddos for 30 minutes after they get up, and 30 minutes before they go to bed! That's just not long enough, but I know other families do this 5 days a week!

My husband, who I'm so thankful for, is such a wonderful parent, and a saint of a husband. He bears the brunt of the work about 3 days a week. He gets them up, feeds them, dresses them, takes them to school and the sitter, goes to work himself, then comes home and picks them up and brings them home, and cooks supper for us.

Sometimes, (more often than not) I feel like a big sack of poop. Perhaps I know why God's plan and my plan didn't match up these past few years. Maybe my family couldn't handle me being gone this much 5 days a week if I was teaching full time. I'm not really good at staying home with the kids. I can never think of cool crafty learning projects to do with them. I'm not a domestic goddess. I hate to cook and my cleaning skills are pathetic. I can sew, but I don't. I'm sure my mother-in-law is horrified that her son is subjected to such squalor. It's a good thing this isn't the archaic past, when my husband would have had all the grounds in the world to kick me to the curb.

But I love my family more than anything. I show it by making sure there are vegetables on their plates at most meals, clothes are clean and picked out of "Mt. Washmore" and laid on the bed nearly every morning, the necessary dishes are clean and waiting in the cabinet known as "the dishwasher" most of the time. And when I do get home, I try to "take over" so he can have a break and I can spend some time with my lovely children.

So, if it is God's plan to someday have me working in a job where I feel he gave me a talent and passion for, teaching, I pray that he also has a plan for including my family in it.

Coach Rudd

2010-11-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

I don't get as many "aha! moments" when I sub, so coaching fills that passion. I get to struggle with the team as they work toward their best, and celebrate when they have reached their goal, and then motivate them to set and reach yet another goal. And for that, I get the title of coach! I love to be called that! Coach Rudd!

My first experience this year was fabulous! When I was hired as the cross country coach, I wasn't even sure there would be a team, as they ended with 3 last year, and it had to have 8 to run. I was given a list of all kids and phone numbers in the school, and I just went down it and cold called. I got laughed at. But 6 said yes by the start of school. Then they recruited, and then they recruited more, stealing two away from volleyball and one away from football. I had 11 varsity runners, which was enough to run a full boys team and a full girls team. I also had 6 junior high students, which will hopefully carry over to next year. This led to something the team hadn't seen in almost 4 years... taking a bus, a whole bus, to a meet. We took a whole bus to every meet!

I worried about how I would create an atmosphere of fun and ambition to get their best times. But the three returning runners and some spirited new comers set the tone for an extremely close-knit and supportive team, and bestowed upon the younger their techniques for running their best. I could not have asked for a better team to be my first cross country team.

Now I'm in Dance Team season, which is a whole other beast. All girls, a lot more drama, and more stress to compete well and place high at state competition. I'm trying to foster a healthy team atmosphere, but this team was beat up and badly bruised from their coach last year, who was apparently a negative perfectionist. Nothing they did was right, and she let them know it. I like to motivate in a different way. I get the impression that the 5 seniors and 2 other returning members have their loyalty split between her and me, and sometimes they attempt to manipulate. Not sure how to get around it, but I'll figure it out. By the end of this season, I'm positive they will be a better team and better dancers. After all, I'm the coach!

My thoughts on the mandate aka what voters want!

2010-11-08T08:36:00.000-08:00

Announcement: The world is not ending now that the election is over. Just as it did not end in 2008. The nation is not ripping apart. The Republicans were not given a mandate. The nation did not lose it's mind and vote back in the crazies who destroyed the surplus and our nations reputation. You want to know what I think the swing is? I don't care, I'm going to tell you anyway! A cry for gridlock. The thought that one party, who won by 53% (president), controlling the entire congress and the white house, is alright until you realize what checks and balances mean. If the majority of people think that the party's agenda is good, fine. But the majority doesn't think all of it is. And the way things were moved forward was too fast without compromise. They were very smart to push so hard and so fast to accomplish all that they did, because that's the only way it would have passed ever because you can't please everyone, or even a majority. So I think the massive swing was in the hopes of providing some checks and balances to the Fed again, to bring legislation back in line with what more people want.

Another opinion: I don't agree with a lot of what was done, but, I don't think it was done with the intention of harming anyone. Sure the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and politicians make my skin crawl and stomach lurch, but the people that voted one way or another, in 2008 and 2010, voted that way because they feel it was the best solution to the problems we all agree need fixing.

So we have different perspectives. Don't assume I'm stupid or heartless or just don't know the facts, or the propaganda has me in its grip. I'm not, I do, it doesn't. I'm pretty thorough in my research, have strong convictions, and try to keep an open mind.

But trust me, I'm right!

Thoughts on Glitter Tattoo Pens

2010-08-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

Driving with children should be banned. Forget cell phones, smoking, or texting, children are more distracting than anything else! They scream, cry, throw things, demand, pick on each other. I continuously position my rear view mirror to see them in the back seat, rather than the road.

Is that bad?

We have a plethora of toys with tiny intricate pieces meant to entertain them bouncing around the back of the van. It looks like Toys'R Us and McDs set off a mini toy nuke. I'm continually saying things like, "Share with your sister!" and "Don't make me pull over!" and "Don't put that in your mouth!" One such item is a pack of 6 glittery tattoo pens, meant to write on paper or skin. It's totally washable, I have no idea how they made glitter and bright colors so easy to get off, but it's truly a miracle! They could be covered from head to toe, and the stuff wipes off with one wet wipe! So what a perfect thing for them to have in the car, except for putting them in their mouth.

Which brings me to yesterday. Driving in Cedar Rapids with Mom, mirror positioned to keep an eye on the hellions, when Addie starts hollering from the back seat. I glance back, and deep purple, glittery ink is oozing from her mouth! What a freaky sight! I try not to panic and tell her to spit, which for her means spraying and raspberries. Purple, glittery, spittle sprays all over the back seat! I yank the car to the right across 3 lanes of traffic and pull into a restaurant parking lot, rip the door open, drag my daughter out and pry open her purple glittery mouth. I scrubbed her tongue with baby wipes, which hind sight being 20/20, not so sure about ingesting that either, and wipe off all the purple goo from her face, neck, chest, arms, hands, legs, and feet. I gave her my water to swish and spit several times. Then I reassessed.

Thoughts in my brain in less than 10 seconds:
1. If it were poisonous, would it really be in a child's pen?
2. But, what child breaks open a pen and drinks the goo out?
3. What sort of thing goes into the ink to make it that color?
4. What is glitter made out of?
5. Crap, is it lead?
6. No, it has to be non-toxic to be drawn onto skin, right?
7. Was it made in China?
8. Should I call poison control?
9. Kids swallow all sorts of things, like pennies, dirt, scissors (or was that convicts in jail?)
10. Will she listen the next time I tell her not to put something in her mouth?
11. What the hell was she doing to the pen?

She said she couldn't taste it anymore, but her tongue stayed purple and glittery for an hour after, even through a strawberry smoothie at Target. I did not call poison control, as she didn't complain of burning, or a tummy ache, or pain. I'm still second guessing myself on that, but it's past 24 hours now and she seems normal. Well, as close to normal as my child gets. I kept my panic in check. I did, however, check her poop today. I'm not going to lie, I was slightly disappointed it was not purple or sparkly.

Mornings

2010-08-27T06:09:00.000-07:00

I have never been a morning person. I was drug out of bed when I was little to be thrown into freezing cold water by 7am in the summer for swim team practice. I was drug out of bed during the school year extra early because I had to be out the door walking to the bus by 6:30am. In high school I did stupid things like sign up for early bird gym and do two sports in one season. In college it seemed I always had at least one 8am class, or a job that started at 6am. Then I had a few years reprieve, where I had a normal job, I could be to work by 9am and sleep till noon on the weekends. But by then, I had discovered the elixir of life, wine of the gods, go-juice!
I used to hate coffee. It was bitter, and disgusting, and I was stupid! I tried to be adult and drink it on several occasions, but the cup was always left mostly full. And then I met Dunkin Donuts!
The very first day we were in New Bedford, MA, we noticed the D&D stores, billboards, tv ads, and styrofoam coffee mug in every person's hand. There is no greater marketing campaign than that of D&D on the east coast. Because those people, as one of their adverts claims, "run on Dunkin". And its true! The pace of life is so much faster that 6 years later when we moved back to Iowa, the slow, friendly, chatty pace of store clerks and service workers almost caused me to go postal. COMEONPEOPLE!!! I got places to go and people to see! People out there start their day at 9 and end it at 3, but still accomplish as much as here, where we start work at 8 and end at 5.
Our first experience with "OUR" D&D was a lesson in east coast etiquette. The long line at 9am zipped through, and suddenly we found ourselves face to face with a Stephanie Plum-esk Jersey girl, complete with big hair, silver hoops the size of hub caps, and an accent that let me know I would be "taken care of", if you know what I mean. "What can I getcha, hon?", not said sweetly, but as if we were wasting the most precious of times. To which we replied, "um... well... I'm not really sure...how about...", and suddenly, she screams, "NEXT!!!" and we were efficiently jostled out of the way.
We learned how to order. A regular hot medium means 2 creams, 2 sugars, not black coffee. If you say you want a coffee, with 2 creams and 2 sugars, they look at you like you have something wrong with you. Its all about efficiency. What do you want, hot or cold, what goes in it, what size, and make it snappy. Our D&D girls eventually saw us coming in line and knew what to make us, and knew that if we were alone, we should never leave that store without a coffee for our better half, or it could mean our marriage.
But the most important thing to understand about D&D was that the coffee they make in the store has crack in it. I'm not kidding. They sprinkle it in with the sugar. I know this because I realized one day that I was addicted. I caught myself saying "I like the way I feel on it." That's not something one usually says about coffee, is it? That's something you say when you're trying to get off the hard core stuff. I was so addicted. I still jones for it!
So now, before I can think or do, I must have my coffee. It's not my D&D coffee, made by my girls, just Folgers made with too many grinds brewed on strong. But it gets me moving! So thanks, D&D, for the mornings. I will never get over you!

I'm back I think

2010-08-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

I am finally done with my classes for my Social Studies endorsement.
I am still subbing, but I did get two coaching jobs that will keep me hopping!
I am thick in the start of cross country, and now my dance team girls have an ambitous agenda for homecoming. The students are awesome, great attitudes and senses of humor. I like to try to run and dance with them, so it keeps me in shape.
We have 2 pottys and 2 places to clean our butts, and 3 sinks! It was a busy summer!
My big one is off to preschool 4 days a week. She loves school so much. We really neglected her learning this summer, mainly because she refuses to do "school stuff" outside of school.
Emily has been perfecting the art of sibling irritation. They both poke and prod at each other, take toys away, and tease when the other is in time out for some offense. Yelling and screaming and hitting is par for the course, despite repeated time-outs. Frustrating! But, she is a sweet, loveable, huggable, bundle of cuteness that is oh so kissable. She's happy to have mom home all to herself.
Jeremy is back to work, school starts for him this Thursday. I don't know that he is super excited about it, but it keeps his brain occupied!
That's it for now, hope to keep up my writing skills, now that I'm not using them to BS homework papers!

Perfect Day

2010-05-22T07:54:00.000-07:00

Today has the potential to be the perfect day. I was allowed to sleep in until a luxurious 7:59, got up and drank my coffee while I picked up and disinfected some stuff, put some laundry away and got myself dressed. I am typing sitting at our bay window in the kitchen while the strong sunshine penetrates and dissipates the dense fog, the sky is blue with fluffy clouds, and a light breeze is picking up.

I've got plants in pots calling to me. I have two cute critters, one in a sun dress and one in a Little Mermaid outfit. It's probably not that warm out, but they've got coats. We will go outside and soak the sunshine up!

Later I have a Tastefully Simple party where I will gorge myself on beer bread and watermelon slushy drinks. One last relaxing weekend before I start my next two classes! Ahhhhhh!

Sick Kids

2010-05-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

Emily has been persistently disgusting since early this year. A smokers cough, a spicket of a nose that leaks slimy slug-like snot, and weepy eyes. Being almost two, and surrounded by other disgusting tiny creatures such as herself at the sitter's, I have just been chalking it up to the regular germs. Along with the fact that she can still travel at light speed with all this going on. There were 2 glorious weeks in April where she was pristine, not a booger in sight. But that didn't last long. We began to think it was allergies because of the mostly colorless leakage and persistence, and the fact that none of us, including her sister seemed to be catching what she had.

So then the whole second guessing takes place. Do I take her to the doctor? Keep her home from the sitter? Keep an eye on it? Force feed her vegetables and vitamins? Get her out in fresh air? Keep her bundled up laying low on the couch watching Super Why?

But then a note from the sitter, who, poor thing, is 9 months pregnant. Could we make sure the girls were in good health before we brought them? She was sick with what Emy had, and she didn't want any more illness. She also stated that it isn't allergies because all the snot was green, and that 13 people became sick later.

Defensive Mommy goes to, "So what you're saying is that I'm a bad parent for failing to recognise this as sickness, not taking care of my kid, and infecting everyone else?" And of course I look at all the other lovely sweet germ balls who have recently thrown up and had fevers, and wonder how many of them were asked to stay home?

More rational mommy knows that it sucks to be that pregnant and miserably sick, I love the job this woman does, that my two demons are a handful anyway, and that getting to the bottom of this via doctors visits probably isn't a bad idea anyway.

So Jeremy took her to the doctor. Strangest thing, she had a small fever! She was all high spirits, piss and vinegar today! It appears to be all sinus but not severe, and could be aggravated by allergies. She's going to an allergist next week. Poor Emy!

I still have not decided how to deal with these hurt feelings when I speak to the sitter. I want to say "but, but, but, how did she infect you and everyone else and not her own family, the snot IS clear, REALLY, and what about all the other kids?!" But this will not be productive. I just hope my children are not ostracized because "they spread infections". I get backed up if I hear a kid is sick there, but then I shrug and say "bring it on", the more infections now, the more the antibodies later! My gut is saying this is something else, and regardless of how I, or other people feel, I have learned to trust it above everything else.

My Big Baby is 4!

2010-05-08T08:37:00.000-07:00

The Princess has turned four! I cannot believe it! Words cannot describe how much I love her!
Here she is with a new birthday dress and shoes!

Opening her presents. New PINK chucks!

The pirates had stolen all Addie's presents and hidden them in the yard. Fortunately, we found a treasure map to help us find them!

Addie and Emily frosted the cake... I helped... Can you tell?

Making cupcakes for the school celebration!

Despite the lack luster planning, hectic schedule, and general everyday chaos, the birthday was a success! She felt loved and special, as any princess should!

Update

2010-05-08T08:36:00.000-07:00

I did get a call back from the Principal about the coaching position. We will meet next week for an interview, so I'll keep you posted! I would enjoy that postition a lot I think.

Fear and Loathing

2010-05-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

I finally finished my class, but the accomplishment has been overshadowed by my growing apprehension that it was in vain because there appears to be a rapid decline in Social Studies jobs. And I'm still facing down the barrel of two geography courses this summer, of which I have no inkling of what they will be like. Will they be labor intensive like these last two courses? A lot of homework? Scheduled lecture times you have to be online? I guess I shouldn't worry about it, but take it as it comes. If I could just get my brain to listen to that advice!

There are no jobs, and I feel trapped in a system that is rife with nepotism, where it's not what you know, but who you know. At least it feels like that. I have a little piggy in the door because a few teachers have taken note, request me as their sub, and have offered to be a reference, but if there are no jobs they can't help.

There were these jobs posted that were 1/2 teaching and 1/2 activities director, and I hemmed and hawed about whether that's what I wanted, and two weeks after being posted online, they were gone, I had missed my chance to apply. I called just to check to see if it was too late, and left a message, but have not received a call back. I jumped on a coaching position I heard would be open, I've heard my stuff is floating around and people have seen it, but my phone call was not returned, once again. Isn't it still common courtesy to at least return people's phone calls and let them know?

The confidence I have in my ability to teach is weakened by all this, because that annoying little voice says, "If you're really that good, why don't you have a real teaching job?" I know, I wish I could shut that little bastard up, but it's so persistent! I want to whine to the world, "But, I'm really awesome! Just give me a chance!"

Then, there is the other little voice that says, "What kind of a mother, and person, are you, that you are not happy with all the blessings you have?" Why do I base so much of my self worth on the fact that I'm "just a sub" and I don't have a "real" job? Shouldn't I be happy that I'm able to spend more time of these precious years with my children?

I just have this fear that my energy and passion are being wasted not doing what I'm meant to do, what I love to do. Not that I don't love raising my little girls, and it has been luxurious being able to say, "No, I'm not going to work today, I'm going to spend time with my babies because they need me!"

I know this: it is not worth it to just get a job, any job, for the sake of working. History, and the social sciences is what I am passionate about and what I want to teach, and subbing is about as far from that as I'm willing to go. If I can't teach full time then that is what I will do, so that I can make the most out of those opportunities to spend time with my family. Which I do enjoy, really!

The other option is to create my own circumstances and take advantage of opportunities, like I did in MA with the case manager position. I fell into that job, and was allowed to create it into what I wanted and I really thrived at it. I discovered I could be creative, and I felt I was making a difference and was valued. What does that look like here? Is there a market for education consultants? Or a tutoring business? How do I get out of the public education system I'm trapped in (or kept out of, in this case) and create my own opportunities?

Miss Rumphius

2010-04-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

The Lupine Lady was one of my favorite books. I remember the images of the eastern seashore and those beautiful flowers in the book, and of the kind lady who wanted to make the world a better place.

“When I grow up, I too will go to faraway places, and when
I grow old, I too will live beside the sea.”
“That is all very well, little Alice,” said her
grandfather, “but there is a third thing you must
do.”
“What is that?” asked Alice.
“You must do something to make the world
more beautiful,” said her grandfather.

And so it is Easter. We have been given an incredible gift. We have been shown how much we are loved and how infinate love really is, and we are given the message to go and make of all diciples, to make the world a better place, to share God's message that he loves all of us so much that he gave his son to fight and win against death.

Wow. The definiton of love cannot be described in words, but can be passed on through actions.

Life lessons

2010-04-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

I came across this blog.

I like to surf blogs, so I was just clicking on the "view next blog" link at the top, and about the 3rd one was this blog by a HR guy. And the very first post was yesterday, saying it was his last post, ever. I think I just missed something really good.

I feel I should explain where I've been... doing, thinking about doing, or totally avoiding my homework for Local Politics...If anyone still reads this.

Anywho, I am looking for some inspiration, divine intervention, a sign, or for God to smack me over the head with something that will get me out of this lost rut I seem to be in, so I turned back to my blog, even though I should be doing my stupid homework, because writing is a way for me to really think things through and get clear on what I want.

So this blog had these short bursts of posts, something I could never do, because I'd totally forget what I was saying, being the cottonball that I am, and a series of them were labeled "Life Lessons" and were taken from "If Life Is a game, These Are the Rules" by Cherie Carter-Scott. And the one post that I happened to focus on said:

"8) What you make of your life is your choice-you have access to all of the tools and resources that you need.

9) The answers to your challenges are available-all you need to do is look, listen, and trust."

Hmmmmmm. What should I be learning from this?

More Peace

2010-02-14T13:03:00.000-08:00

I'm in Massachusetts right now with my good friend Carrie. She recently gave birth to her third, a beautiful baby girl with a full head of dark hair and a pleasant disposition. I volunteered to fly out for a week to help out by cooking meals, doing laundry, running interference with her other babies, and of course, snuggling and sniffing the baby to give her a break from the endless handling and holding.

I also came to get in the mood. I always thought I was destined to have a large family, maybe 5 or 6 kids, the more the merrier. After I discovered I was not a glowing pregnant lady, but rather a miserable, vomitous whale with blotchy skin, I was less enthused with the idea of going through being knocked up again. But I quickly forget, mommy amnesia, once that beautiful little girl was in my arms. The second one was no better during gestation, and the adjustment from one to two took me completely by surprise. It was not like having just one. It was not easy.

And then I stayed home with them. And I felt like the smart, intelligent woman with the goals and ambition was wasting away, trapped inside my house, forced to watch cartoons and smell like mac and cheese, and wear sweat pants and fuzzy slippers. And baby three didn't seem all that appealing. I was not in the mood.

I have been fixated on getting a job. I know what I want to do, I just need a job. This staying at home stuff was not for me and I was feeling the mommy guilt. I have been taking it for granted that I am able to stay home with my babies.

I realized that on my trip. I have been away from them for long enough. I have visited with former coworkers and friends and I see what I have missed. They have reinforced that I am doing the right thing, I'm where I should be right now in my life. I am missing great moments with my kids. You hear the cliche about how they will never be this little again, and I didn't realize it, but it is spot on.

Maybe it is the intoxicating smell of new baby, or seeing another great mom making it work with her family and enjoying them, but something has clicked on this trip. I feel like I'm finally at peace with were I am right now. If I am not able to get a job, that's okay, there are much more important things than my career right now, and there is plenty of time for that. So I will need to make the most of the time I have with my babies.

My husband's moment

2010-02-02T17:56:00.000-08:00

My lovely, wonderful, thoughtful, husband definitely has his moments. And one of those moments happened the other day as he left me with two freshly scrubbed, naked, unhappy children in a smoke filled house with all the windows open, fans at full speed, at a balmy 5 degree temp. outside. This is what happened:

We woke up sort of late and did not get a head start on our children. By the time I got into the shower, Addie was "happily" sitting on the potty, and Emily was hollering "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" from her cage of a crib. I hop out, wrap myself in a towel, and start stripping down my very resistant 3 year old. Showers are not her favorite things, but she needed to be clean as we had a doctor appointment at 10. It was now 8:30, and my loving husband, after rescuing Emily, took pitty on me and decided to help me bathe them. I go to get dressed and am greeted by the pleasant smell of toast... yum!

Now dressed, I go to relieve my wonderful husband, and mention, "Oh, you're making toast? Smells good!" He nods, hands a naked baby off to me and starts on the next one. We chat about our happenings, he has meetings and classes and e-mails, I have doctors appointments, meals and poopy diapers. He shaves, I finish and wrap a naked baby in a towel. A door is open and the scent of burnt toast literally rolls in on a cloud of grey smoke...

Here's the malfunction. Our toaster, may it rest in peace, has been on the fritz for years. Many of times would a piece of bread go into its slots, and minutes later it would reluctantly eject it after sparks, jerks, and erratic clunking noises. Usually a flick of the wrist on the push down tab will resolve it, but when left on it's own it would always eventually hork it up. Not this time. This time, it's antics did it in.

So now, with the grey fog lingering in the corners, ceiling fans and box fans in open windows whirring at top speed, the door to the garage open, one cat missing, and the temperature inside the house at 52 degrees, my husband bursts back into the bathroom, which I had shut when I realized we didn't have to evacuate, and breathlessly explains to me that he has a meeting to get to, and he was leaving me... with two naked children, a house full of smoke, all the windows open, and I hadn't even had any coffee... a fine moment!

It still smells like toast...

Ack!

2010-01-16T17:56:00.001-08:00

I have not been into blogging lately. I am trying to avoid my homework, so here I am. I am desperately, hopelessly, irrationally, penetratingly struck with writer's block when it comes to my homework!

It is painful for me to eek out sentences, paragraphs. I get all worked up just thinking about the amount I have left to do, and it paralyzes me!

So I set my timer (thank you Flylady) because "you can do anything for 15 minutes!"

And it just went off... so here I go begrudgingly back to work...

Our Christmas Gift

2009-12-28T17:56:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve morning we received a call from a lady at church. She asked us if Addie would like to carry baby Jesus to the manger at mass that night. I squealed with delight! I beamed with pride! I was humbled by the honor! I panicked a little bit... exactly how breakable was baby Jesus?

It was pouring rain this eve of Jesus' birth when we walked into church. The lights were all off, except over the stable, where Mary, Joseph, shepherds and sheep waited for the gift. Wreaths and ribbons and twinkle lights decorated the church, and the choir were singing the classics.

My little big girl, dressed in her new, pink and glittery (of course!) dress with the white fur trim, satin bow in her hair, held her loving arms open and stared in wonder as the statue was placed into her arms. She cradled him as our whole family processed down past the alter, down the middle isle to the back, up the side isle, up the steps to the stable, and she placed him down, ever so gently, into the manger.

She said of the experience, "His arms were out like this," spreading her arms open, "and his feet were together like this," bringing her arms close together, "and he was a really good baby, he didn't wiggle at all!"

Glass Ceiling

2009-12-15T18:25:00.000-08:00

I didn't used to think glass ceilings really existed, but I think after today I might be a believer, at least in the world of social studies teachers.

I'm starting to notice many of my colleagues are male and coach very manly sports... not all, but many. Conversations in the lounge revolve around the stats and scores of the latest basketball game or wrestling meet. There is rarely discussion of teaching strategies, assessments or differentiated instruction. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it feels to me like an exclusionary club.

Today I subbed for an english teacher, who team teaches an American Studies class with a history teacher. It is one of the positions I applied for last year, and did not get. I met the man who did get it. He is also a football and wrestling coach. I'm sure my impression was tinted green, but I was disappointed.

The class was studying the roaring twenties, and they were 2/3 of the way though F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby". I went before school to discuss the lesson plan with him, and he asked me if I had ever read it, to which I said it's been a while, but I could brush up on it. I caught up to the class by the time his lecture began. I would have liked to see connection between the book and the events going on, especially discussion about women, culture, racism and post World War I angst. It was a nice powerpoint lecture, with embedded media of jazz performances, images of ads, and quotes and poetry. But there was no passion about the history, or how it relates to today. Instead, there were sports references, which lost about half the students.

He also provided a confusing and inaccurate definition of the glass ceiling for women. How appropriate, I thought. I could give a relevant example right now.

"Uh... what's your major? Mine's football..."

When to call the doctor

2009-12-12T19:00:00.000-08:00

I never know when I should call my doctor. I always feel like they have much better things to do, being important and all, than to see me or my snot-nosed kids.

And that was the case this week. Emily had that persistent smokers cough that seemed to be getting worse (she was upping the packs for the holidays) with a sieve for a nose and a weepy eye. In the meantime, Addie's eye had turned her favorite color, pink, crowned with a lovely green goopy corner.

Should I call the doctor and drag them both in? Is it bad enough? Are they just going to tell me it's viral, and I have to wait it out? It's Friday, what if it gets really bad over the weekend, and then I'd have to take them to the emergency room and then we'd have to stay home on Monday, and we've been cooped up with the blizzard since Tuesday?

I drug them in... ugh...

There were dancing, singing santas, snowmen, and doggies in the waiting room, and no one else, so that was good. As soon as we rounded the corner of the exam rooms, Emily was on to me. She starts crying, while Addie is smiling, and giggling, and announcing to all the nurses that the doctor was going to make her butt feel better... yep.

These are the questions that I get from the doctor that make me feel stupid...

"So, there's no fevers?"
"They're eating okay?"
"Their eye's weren't crusted over?"
"They're sleeping fine?"
"What's the problem again?"

Well, he didn't actually ask that last one, but sometimes things are just implied. But guaranteed, if I had waited until Monday, I would have gotten, "They've been sick for how long? Why didn't you bring them in sooner?!?!"

We got some eye drops... which is a process that's a whole new post, and they sent us on our way.

Then, (and yes, I'm one of those moms) we went to playland at McDs because we hadn't been outside our house for 4 straight days! And it was fun, and if that little girl who kept pinching and hitting Addie and then crying to her parents that Addie was hitting her gets pink eye, I'd feel bad, but it was so worth it! (and no, it isn't just "not my child" syndrome, I was watching it all go down!)

Next up, my turn for an oil change and tire rotation. Oh joy!

I've got spirit, yes I do! I've got spirit, how 'bout you!

2009-11-30T14:07:00.000-08:00

I am in search of some Christmas Spirit. I believe I feel Christmas has become a little too commercialized for me this year for some reason. I think it was the Target commercial about "winning Christmas" that did it for me. I'm not even getting excited about giving gifts to other people and watching them open them. I'm nervous they won't like it, be disappointed, or compare it to their gift for me. I just don't want Christmas to be about the gifts this year.

I want it to be about Jesus and God, and I'm trying to find some quiet time for prayer to prepare my heart this Advent season... HA! HA! HA! I know, I know, I said quiet time!

I think my kids will be key to ridding me of this Scroogeyness. Addie gets that this is about baby Jesus, it's his birthday, miracles happen (like staying on Santa's nice list... that will be miracle for her!). Emily is wowed by all the pretty lights and breakables on the tree, but she also seems to get that that totally breakable baby figurine is important somehow, and she handles it with care. She wants for nothing and seem to appreciate the smallest things, like wrapping paper and boxes, that would be enough. They both give love without ceasing. I need to take their lead more. Faith like a child, right?

Here's a story I loved to read to my confirmation classes during Advent. It's all about putting it all out there, total faith, and experiencing the wonder and blessings of God by being a servant to others. That prepares our hearts for the coming of Jesus! More of that please!

http://www.elseroad.com/stories/jesus_is_coming_for_dinner.htm

The Green Eyed Monster!

2009-11-21T08:33:00.000-08:00

I'll admit it, but don't tell my husband, (because I don't think he reads this blog anymore, you may have noticed he has abandoned his blog, "Fat Man Running" or "Everyone's Blogging But Me", and so he doesn't read other blogs)...

I am jealous of him.

Jealous, but also proud. His career as an artist and an educator has really taken off. He comes home, sometimes late, and gushes about how a student of his had an "aha" moment and the in depth conversation they had about the wonders of the universe to arrive at that moment. He has been nominated and elected by his colleagues to chair the general education department. He is revered as the education technology guru by his two co-teachers. He has developed a reputation with the students as a good teacher and his classes are filling up. He has developed an important benchmark test. He hob nobs with muckety-mucks who are important at gallery openings. He is advancing his teaching through new technology and professional development, which might include a trip to London in the spring. He won a bid to create a Corpus for a processional cross of a new church in Hiawatha, and they liked it so much they asked him to submit a design for the large hanging cross over the alter. Our neighbor has asked him to build a cabinet for them. The columns for the chapel at New Vienna have the board interested in other projects they could have him do. And it goes on and on and on!

These are things I used to do... when I had a career, and he was going to school... ah, how the roles have reversed! I can't wait to get back in there and start doing cool stuff with my talent and passion! In the meantime, isn't my husband cool?

Family Transportation Logistics

2009-11-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

Our FTL (Family Transportation Logistics) is complicated. We have one patriotic blue short-bus minivan, AKA "the mini" AKA "the Blue Eagle". We also have one red 1994 stick shift, heat only, bench seat, Ford F150 with working tape cassette. Remember those? It is affectionately called "Clifford".

One gets around 24mpg, seats 7 people, has room for our children and all their crap, and I can drive it. The other gets 11mpg, seats 2 people, (3 if you want to get really friendly with the stick shift) is questionable whether it can accommodate car seats, and I can't drive it. I tried once, in New Bedford, with cars parked on both sides of the street, where around every corner is a new game of chicken. It wasn't pretty and I don't think my husband will allow it again.

We have always gotten by with a lot of walking. We are less than 500 feet from Addie's school, and only about 2 city blocks from our sitter's house. But our unpredictable schedules have led us to question if this will continue to work.

The logistics are as follows:
Addie needs to be at school by 8am 3 days out of the week. If I'm working, I'm out of the house with the only car I can drive with the car seats. So Hubby has to walk the girls up to school, and then walk Emily to the sitter, and then walk back, get in his truck and make it to work by 9. Usually works okay, except for those days he has to be to work earlier. On days Addie doesn't have school, one of those days our sitter has to take two kiddos to school, so she walks them up. We don't want to add 2 more kids for her to drag up there or leave with her husband/mother-in-law, so he waits until after 8 to bring them to her, again walking. Then there's pick up at the end of the day.

Enter winter... in Iowa... blowing snow, freezing rain, and 30 degrees Fahrenheit... oh, 30 degrees BELOW ZERO! Add to that no sidewalks in town and walking on the edge of the road made significantly smaller by the addition of snow banks, and those 2 measly blocks seem like an epic battle.

So here we are with essentially one vehicle to share. We need a new one, but we also need a second bathroom, so we're not sure what our financial priority is. We could shove a car seat in the truck, and a booster seat in the middle, for that 2 block time, which isn't technically illegal, but I'm a rule follower, so I don't know. Not to mention the time it takes to get kids into car seats and out again is going to be close to the same amount of exposure to the cold. Logistically speaking, anyone got any ideas?

P/T Conferences!

2009-11-11T19:13:00.000-08:00

This was the first time I was on the other side of a parent-teacher conference. I was not sitting with manila folders full of documentation, nervously awaiting those killer parents, teeth barred, nails drawn, ready to rip your heart out because little johnny isn't acing your class. Truth be told, I LOVED parent teacher conferences. I always had really good experiences at them, because I felt that I was prepared and fought the alligators before they turned into T-Rexes. I had a well planned system of PPSSSF (praise, problem, 3 solutions, feedback), I know it sounds like I'm peeing, and really, I've never named it before and I don't know if that's trademarked or anything, it's just what I end up doing every time. And it worked.

So on a Tuesday night, after parent participation dance class, which was really fun, I found myself sitting across the table from another teacher, ready to hear what she had to say about my baby's progress in pre-school. Addie's teacher had a rating system, with four categories, where she explained our child's progress, what she was good at, and what she could work on.

Without further ado, here are the positives: She's good at knowing how others will feel, which is (bragging) highly advanced for her age! Reading and writing will be her thing, so having her practice writing will be beneficial. She has good comprehension, and a great imagination. She's come really far since starting preschool, and has matured well, as she is almost the youngest.

Things to work on: Mondays are bad. Each Monday, she seems to get a case of the Mondays. Except for last Monday, which she did great, but told us she was naughty and got a yellow light, only to turn around on Tuesday and actually get a yellow light... She gets frustrated if things aren't working the way she wants them to work. At this the teacher gave the example of how Addie couldn't get a puzzle piece to fit in the way she wanted it to fit. My husband and I both point to each other. But then he says, "So, instead of turning it to fit, she would rather take a pair of scissors and cut it to fit the way she wants?" and that's when I knew for sure, she is my child. Because that's totally my kind of stubborn!

Other things to work on were just the next step, not anything she's behind on. She's on track or above where she needs to be physically and academically, which makes us happy. She's a great pre-schooler, and her first PT conference went great!

Odds and Ends

2009-10-23T12:54:00.001-07:00

Not really feeling the writing urge, I think because I've got homework to do so just a quick update to keep my typing fingers loose...

Homework is going painfully slow, I think because I get so backed up about how long it takes me that I don't even want to start it. I am learning a lot. It's interesting. I'm just not motivated, which is leading to procrastination, which is leading to panic, which makes me want to do it less. That and when I get a large chunk of time is a night when I'm tired. I will just focus on my end goal, which is my dream job, which is why I'm getting the endorsement.

I'm taking a hip hop class. I love learning new dances and perfecting them. The other ladies in the class are all former students of the instructor and friends, so I feel like an odd ball, but I'll work my charm. I wish it was longer too, it's only a half hour. I could use a good hour long brutal session once a week, but I'll take what I can get.

Subbing is still going well and I'm busy. I know this is what I need to do, and I'm being valuable to teachers and students as well as my family bringing a paycheck home. I got to sub a Beckman today, which would be really nice to teach at. I need more days there to work my charm!

My children are doing well, and with any luck this last round of sickness built up immunity and they'll be good the rest of the winter. I both hate and like it when they're sick, because I get to cuddle them, unopposed. But I don't like that I can't fix it right away.

I'm on cruise, waiting for God to point me in the right direction.

A whole lot of nothing

2009-10-18T13:23:00.000-07:00

I'm coming down off my high of having hosted a fabulous pumpkin carving party at our house. I've often envied my dear friend Carrie, who is a top notch party planner, and could shame Martha with her organization, cooking, and cleaning skills. I am the antithesis of Martha, I abhor her, and the only respect I have of her is that she is so respected by Carrie, who I very much respect, so I guess she's okay. It went off without a hitch and I will post pictures when I get downstairs to pull them off the computer.

I've been subbing a lot, and some teachers are starting to take note. I had one stop in while I was subbing for another to let me know she appreciates me and that she'd love to work with me as a full time teacher. One teacher by-passed the automated call system for subs and called me directly to ask me to sub because she liked the job I did. She said other people in the building have taken note. Friday I was told by the two aides in the room that I needed to come back if the teacher was ever sick again, and I think they told the principal because she stopped in to watch me for a while.

I am establishing a good reputation and I'm working to meet my requirements for the whole social studies endorsement. I will have it by this summer. This will all help me reach my goal of having my very own classroom, with my very own kids to teach, broaden their horizons, share my experiences with, and learn from. I can't wait!

However, the announcement by our governor of budget cuts across the board has many schools and teachers panicking. Just walking through the doors the morning of the announcement, you could taste, smell, feel the fear. Teachers were huddled in little groups in the hallway, discussing what it meant for them and their colleagues. And I just want to throw my hands up in despair. Can't a girl catch a break? Will I be faced with yet another year of subbing? How can I make myself more competitive with teachers just out of college at a lower pay step?

I keep telling myself not to panic, the right job will come along, maybe this is just what I need to be doing right now with little ones, be patient... but negative thoughts keep popping into my head without warning, no matter how much I repeat those positive mantras to myself. I feel like there's a whole lot of nothing for job prospects right now, but I keep hearing from the education experts, "We desperately need good teachers!" I'm a good teacher! Here I am! Come and get me! I'm smart, I have lots of life and classroom experience, I'm passionate about learning, I have excellent rapport with students and colleagues, and I can walk into any classroom and control it. I just need a possibility!

Making up for being a bad mommy.

2009-10-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

I have another child. There are no framed photos of her, her baby hand print is nowhere to be found, and I have not written about her for a while.

Her name is Emily, AKA Beanie Baby, (because she likes beans) Rocky, (because she likes rocks) Tank, (because she will plow through anything and just keep going) Chunk, (she used to be pretty chunky, and resembled Chunk from the Goonies) or Pumpkin (because she's cute).

She is growing so fast! Emily has started to listen and follow simple commands. "Where's your juice?" She will run and get her sippy cup. "Are you done?" She will nod or shake her head depending on what she wants. "Go get your shoes and bring them to me." She will go get them and then plop herself down to get her shoes put on. "No, don't...

...stand on the chair...

...pull all the tupperware out of the cupboard...

...put that in your mouth...

...touch the cat food...

...destroy my living room..."

Well, we have some things to work on!

She still really enjoys peek-a-boo, but the new favorite game is pointing and laughing, with great big toothy grins and large rolling belly laughs. We point and laugh back and everyone has a great time.

She gives the best kisses. She leans in, with a little smirk on her lips, bats her baby blue eyes, and plants a slimy, snot and saliva smooch right on the mouth. It's a kiss only a mommy could love, even though I make her sister give her kisses, because I think it's funny. "Ewwww! She SLIMED me!!!"

She has three new teeth recently, and it's been a struggle. She hasn't been her usual cheery self, but very irritable, with inconsistent eating habits, (not shoving everything in as fast as possible is unusual) and strange and variable poops.

She doesn't like my cooking. I know this because every time I go to do it she screams, clings to my legs, and uses language that I'm sure could rival the filthiest sailor, if I could understand it. She even cries real tears. It's awful! There is no distraction technique that has worked, she is very focused on making an already distasteful chore all that much more unenjoyable. So I can only conclude that she doesn't enjoy my cooking and would rather eat what daddy cooks. Me too, kiddo!

She now has a new passion for reading. The day I spoke my fear out loud to the sitter, my mom and my husband, that this baby does not like to sit still and read books, she discovered she actually did like some literature, and now regularly brings me her favorites. These include the bright and colorful set of 4 we bought from the traveling salesman, titled "My Word Book", "My Color Book", "My Number Book", and "My Shape Book." She also enjoys "How to be a Good Dog", "My Pretty Kitten", which is a little dirty and inappropriate for those of us with dirty minds, but it keeps it entertaining, "One, Two", and her new book from Grandma, "5 Little Lady Bugs." She is constantly bringing books up to us now and insisting that we read to her, which is great. I'm not sure who enjoys it more, me or her.

So, there's the update on Sweet Pickles, along with some pics...

2009-09-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

This is me at age 3 right before my first dance recital. It was at the Braille School, to "Let's Go Fly a Kite", and I made my way up to the front of the stage, did an arabesque, and had my pic in the paper. I bet I could request it from the paper. This is my daughter, age 3, right before her first dance class! Looks familiar?Here she is twirling in front of the mirror...

Posing...

Doing a curtsy, her favorite move!

Tuesday is the best day of the week!

2009-09-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

Monday is, of course, just a suck day. There's no way around it, unless it's a holiday. Wednesday is, according to one study, actually the worst day of the week. I can believe that. Right in the middle, not even close to the weekend. And the weekend, honestly for me, isn't all that different from the week, except there is no chance of reprieve for me from my kids with a sub job.

But Tuesday! My favorite day! Do you know why? Because my hell-on-wheels, back-talking, trash-talking, time-out-living, beast of a three year old is transformed into a sweet, flaxen haired, bun wielding, hot-pink tutu wearing, twirling, whirling, smiling ballerina for 45 minutes. And it is pure heaven.

Last week her shoes came in. Amateur mums and dads handled them like raw fish, searching for the label to signify right and left, afraid to tarnish the new pinkness of them. I sat Addie down in my lap and said, "Your very first ballet shoes! These are SO SPECIAL!" slipping them on indiscriminately, because it doesn't matter until they break them in. "Now go jump around in that huge box of rosin and have fun!" Other parents were horrified, with apprehensive glances at that corner of the room. If you're going to twirl on a waxy floor, your feet need to be sticky!

I watch through the window. Sometimes her blonde little head whips around and spots me, and she breaks out in the hugest smile, lighting up the whole room. There are no other ballerinas in the room, just my little girl... until she spots a troublemaker (it takes one to know one) hanging from the barre. I plead silently she will not follow suit and get in trouble. She decides instead to check herself out in the full length mirror and shake her butt, Beyonce style. I love it!

She is excited for winter break, when she can finally put on her shiny, noisy, tap-tap shoes. I'm not so much looking forward to that. For one, the noise, but then there is the challenge of getting them off of her. Once they're on, it's kind of like the ruby red slippers from "The Wizard of Oz," the only way to get them off is to kill her... or, I've found bribing her with food works well.

I get to relive my young ballet days. I'm sure this is how my parents felt when they watched me, and now I watch my little girl. Yes, Tuesdays light up my life! Gone is the sass, the pouting, and the bad behavior, I fall in love with my little girl every time!

Journal Entries

2009-09-28T10:27:00.001-07:00

The classroom I'm subbing in has journal questions each week, something I used to love to assign for morning work, along with brain teasers. I feel it really lets you get to know kids sometimes, if you can break past the monotonous answers to the most monotonous questions. This week's question here is "If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?" Oh, I can think of a million different uses!

Those of you who know me would say I would take care of business first... cash it out in new dollar bills, spread it all over my room and have way too much fun!!!

Then...

pay my debts, which would be credit cards, the house and the van. Then take care of future debts... by a fuel efficient car (preferable a 2010 Prius), hire someone to remodel the house (add the bathrooms, level the floor in the basement and put a new floor in, the bedrooms upstairs, air ducts, take out the wall between the kitchen and living room, hardwood floors, deck out front) and replace all existing appliances with the newest and most efficient. Then I'd invest what was needed for retirement and the kid's secret college fund (because I want them to work). I'd give a chunk to our church, to the school, and then maybe start a rural water company to handle our town's waste problem, and put in sidewalks. I'd also research about 5 charities that I could set up funds and give to. I like St. Vincent de Paul society and CASA.

After that, I've always wanted a "kitty car", a hunter green Jaguar, with tan leather interior and the shiny chrome kitty on the front. I don't know why.

That should about do it. :)

Hobbies

2009-09-26T08:05:00.001-07:00

I've been in a small funk for a couple weeks, which I mostly attribute to a mysterious illness that has given me headaches, tummy aches, and fatigue. It's not enough to shut down and curl up in bed for a few days, but has affected my energy level to a point where I feel the minimum is all I can handle. My husband feels he needs to fix me by suggesting multiple hobbies I could become involved in.

I don't think I'm very dynamic. As a wife I disdain all things domestic. The only thing that keeps me from hiring a maid is money. Cooking, laundry and cleaning all seem like a never ending epic battle: I just beat back what I have to to get by. I guess he knew what he was getting himself into.

He has suggested watercolors. I turn my nose up. He has suggested gardening. Is that like outside domestic chores? Triathlons, like him... is the water cold? No way. Oh, and I can't ride a bike. How about helping him in the studio? Not really.

I could get into horse riding, but I have no money, and what do I do with the kiddos? I like to dance, but lessons are expensive and what do I do with the kiddos? I could get into hiking, but what do I do with the kiddos? (see a theme?)

I could ask him to watch the kiddos, which he would do, but we don't have a lot of time. And as I've explained often, sometimes it's not worth it because of what I might have to deal with when I come home, making the fun and relaxing I had null and void. It's a lot like coming back to the classroom after having a sub for a day.

I like history, but is that really a hobby? Is teaching? I'm such a nerd, it's really what I enjoy! I like to think and read about it, and learn, and be creative in the classroom, getting "a ha moments" from kids, like points on a video game!

I'm just in this little funk and I don't even know what to blog about. It will pass and I will be excited about life soon. Then maybe this will be more interesting to read!

I don't kill baby orphans for profit!

2009-09-19T07:14:00.001-07:00

I don't know that anyone reads this blog any more, with face book and all those immediate gratification sites, but I just need to get this off my chest...

I don't kill baby orphans for profit, nor do I support any corporation that does. I am not a racist. I am not ignorant or stupid or naive. I do not consider myself overly selfish, uncaring or greedy. And I can back all of these statements up with tax records, testimonials and empirical evidence!

I do not support health reform. I know that by saying this out loud (or anywhere on the web) I am setting myself up to be judged with a number of automatic prejudices. Well, I'm tired of being silenced by it.

People say there are greedy corporations out there taking advantage of us. This means we are assuming we don't have a choice, that we are being hoodwinked, that we are too stupid to know what's good for us. Well, maybe some of us are, but not most of us, and I don't think me. We always have a choice. (Here is where some would roll their eyes and sigh and call me dumb... no, really, it's happened... and if you are doing it, just stop it! Go read some other blog, you have a choice!)

For the most needy of us there are systems in place to make sure they are taken care of. I know, because I worked tirelessly for two years to make sure they received the best health care, including preventative. It was Medicaid and SSI that provided the funding, but it was not the system that was helpful. The bureaucracy did it's best to withhold, prevent payment and ration care through complicated paperwork, documentation and back logs of which these people could do nothing against. It was dedicated staff at SAIL, a private organization, that fought for their rights and provided outstanding support, despite the government's shortcomings.

In this sense, for our most needy, they are right, the system is broken. Our government needs to fix medicare, medicaid and social security, before they mess with the private organization. Make sure your own house is in order first. They also need to let the young and able opt out now, so we have a chance at independence in the future. Unless we increase taxes on everyone, we can't support these programs for our generation. Let's call it like it is and be honest, we need to sack up and start paying if what we're going to do is let the government take care of our most needy.

For those of us that can afford or barely afford private insurance, we don't have to pay those prices, we don't have to have insurance. We can forgo other expenses in order to pay for insurance, we can choose to have a job with insurance. As a nation, we spend more of our income on "entertainment" than we do health insurance. Where are our priorities? We can look to churches, co-ops, and already in place government programs to help us. We can appeal to our doctors and hospitals, communities and neighbors.

I don't remember much, but when I was little my mother got cancer. Her insurance covered it, they also spent all of their savings and went into debt, but as soon as she had beat it my dad quit his job because life was too short, and started his own business. This meant they lost their insurance when mom had a "pre-existing condition." They found their own insurance and paid for it, making choices and sacrifices to be able to pay for it. They managed. And I say if they can do it, so can we.

I have a problem with government "taking care of people." (unless your talking "takin' care a peeps" said gansta style with hand gestures, I have no doubt they're really good at that.) It was not designed to do so. Individuals are designed to take care of one another. If you see a need in your community, you need to step up and take care of it. Letting the government do it is inefficient. It takes too much time, creates middle management and oversight, and opens the door for corruption and abuse. The government doesn't care about us. People care about us.

And it's not because the President is black. First of all, he's not, he's only half black. Second of all, he's not the branch of government in charge of legislation or money, so my beefs not with him. And Third, good grief, really? That shouldn't even be an issue in this day and age. Stop giving power to that kind of argument, people!

So no, I don't want to kill baby orphans for a profit. This argument isn't as easy as labeling me stupid or heartless. I just feel the problems need to be addressed on a grass roots level, from the bottom up, and I believe they can be. If you don't believe that, and you think the government can do it, good! I hope you start running for office soon. (Dad, this does NOT include YOU!) Because the ones in there aren't going to be able to do it. We are the people, we need to do it. And if you're a Christian, (another thing you can't say anymore without people assuming things about you) "He has no hands, but yours." So get to work!

It's been too long

2009-09-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

Certain events in our town have made me realize that life really is too short and I've been focusing too much on the forest and not the trees, being intimidated and fearful for fear of what people will think of me, and inviting negativity into my zone. I'm done with that!

Fishing Take 2

2009-08-02T19:39:00.000-07:00

My husband, guest posting for me today, because he didn't notice I was auto-logged in! Check out his blog at http://everyonesbloggingbutme.blogspot.com/

Today marked our second outing into the realm of fishing. After a late night last night both kiddo's were less than stellar offspring but I have determined I DO NOT FISH ENOUGH! So off to McDonald's for a makeshift picnic and off we go to the lake. Shove some grub in the gullets and off we go...to the potty. I am always amazed at how many things get in the way of a simple goal. But wipe and wash and now off we go to the jetty. We left mommy and Ems in the car to nap off lunch and Addie ad I marched to our "hot spot". We baited the hooks(OK i did all the bating as Addie informed me that they tickle). And in we cast and we waited. 25 minutes later Addie had determined fishing poles were so last weekend and she decided to fish with a fish stringer she found under the picnic table. I sat and waited watching tentatively as she would chuck the metal ring on the end of the rope into the water perched atop a rock hanging dangerously far out in the lake. Out it went...in it came...out and in for the better part of an hour.

Amazingly no splash, but also no fish so after a pathetic, "I love you dad but this makes me boring" we decided to let the fish live and go for a walk and maybe just maybe a playground visit! After checking with sleepy and sleepier we headed toward the playground but we also had a nice "secret ice pop" from the concessions at the beach. Best $1.25 ever!!!

Cant wait til next time maybe we'll catch some fish!

j

The Dean called...

2009-07-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

I didn't have to call the Dean, he called me and asked me what happened. I told him what I heard and saw, trying to be fair and exact. Then I said the instructor was out of line and shouldn' t have yelled (he did ask if at any point the instructor had said the F word, which he didn't), but in his defense, this student has been rude, disruptive and disrespectful to the instructor and other students, and the instructor doesn't even know the half of it because he can't see him or hear him all the time with the ICN network. Apparently, the instructor was the one who called the Dean first, and told him about what happened and what the student was like, him being a douche bag and all. He said my comments verified what the instructor had said.

Then he asked if there were other students in the class that thought this student was disruptive. Here's where I give pause. 2 maybe 3 others in the class will state how this student behaves, but maybe not even that. They will side with the student because they are students (an us vs. them mentality), it won't benefit them to "nark" on him, and they are part of the society where there is no accountability, the instructor acted worse in their eyes simply because he is the "adult".

Although, I was really impressed with one student who actually told DB that he deserved to get yelled at and that his actions were a lot worse than the instructors. I will probably give names of other students, but I don't know what they will say.

This is a no win for everyone. The best thing that could happen is that they both apoligise to each other for acting, in the words of our president, "stupidly." But that will never happen. DB is still going to be in the class, although after the reprimand from the other student he was markedly quieter. He's not going to back down. He will fight and complain and be a thorn in the side of the Dean until this guy is fired. If I were the instructor, I wouldn't have showed up today, I would have said take this job and shove it, because I'm pretty sure he doesn't need it. Can an instructor even ask for a student to be removed? I don't envy the Dean on this one.

This is one of the things that's wrong with the entire educational system. There is little support from the administration to back up instructors who are being abused by students who think they deserve the utmost respect when they have shown none at all to them. Who knows what will happen, but I intend to stand up for him.

I'm with you professor.

2009-07-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

The macroecon class I'm currently taking from the local community college is conducted through ICN (Iowa Communications Network). It's old school telecommunications. It's an improvement over the last class where I had no ability communicate directly in real time with my professor, but I still can't stand in front of him and demand his attention. I have to push a button and speak into a microphone (imagine NASA's headquarters, 1960 microphone, institutional cream colored) and watch him on a TV.

It's okay. I'm learning quite a bit and doing just enough to get my easy A. I learn best when I explain concepts to other students, and collaborate with them. There are 2 others that I work with often because they are serious. They like that I can teach them things. But the rest of my classmates make it very difficult to learn. They talk through the entire class. They make fun of and swear at the professor. They are rude to him when they speak to him. They make ridiculous statements claiming they know more than they really do.

I have nick-named my favorite Douche Bag. Douche Bag is a pseudo-intellectual, weighing in on the evil corporations, the state of the American economy, and how freaking fabulous France and Argentina are (so, God! When the hell will you just LEAVE and go to your precious euro trash countries and leave us the hell alone?!?!?!?). He's going to Wartburg to become a foreign diplomat and has claimed numerous times that he doesn't even know why he's being forced to take this class (ECONOMICS!) because he'll NEVER NEED IT!!!

The stupidity is almost too much for me!!!

He has been complaining about his grade in the last class he took with this professor, because his participation grade was not what he was expecting. He doesn't know why it took a hit. I know why. He's totally disrespectful, to the detriment of the class. If he acted as bad as he acts in this class (I mean, he even exaggerates his voice when answering worksheet questions to get a laugh from his classmates... how middle school is that? And I should know.) I wouldn't be surprised if he failed. That's what I would want to do if he treated me that way as an instructor.

Today our instructor hit his breaking point, after Douche Bag asked a question in a haughty and rude way. He yelled, swore (if "damn" is still a swear word), and got red in the face as he told him he will do what he tells him to. To which, Douche Bag responded, "No wonder you only teach at a community college." and stormed out. Ummmm, at least he's not attending a community college...

His head will be on a platter. He should have maintained his composure, he should have acted professionally, but I totally understand after putting up with Douche Bag all summer. Students were proclaiming they were going to call the Dean, write a petition, stand against this guy who acted out of line.

But he didn't. He has received nothing but disrespect. You get what you give. He is a relatively okay teacher given what the class is. And he shouldn't have to take that kind of abuse. Why can't the student be held accountable for his actions? I have half a mind to call the dean and defend him, but I don't know if it's my place. But I've been in his place.

Happy Sunday

2009-07-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

Today was a glorious day! We played hooky from church because of the dirty looks we would have gotten from Addie's smoker cough. No need to infect the fine God-fearing folk of our town. We drug Addie into the bathroom with us for some vapor therapy as we showered, and then hosed her down. She then went down for a much needed nap. Emily went outside with us to soak up some beautiful sunny rays, and then, that's when we hatched a plan.

Jeremy went to town to get his fishing license and some poor luckless worms, as well as 2 free mocha lattes from McDs (I know, spare me, we can't help it!). Then we ate lunch and headed out to Backbone State Park to find some fish and a grassy spot to relax.

Addie caught her first fish, and we taught her how to exaggerate how big it was. We said it was "this...... big!" spreading our arms out all the way. She looked at us like we were crazy, held her hands up about a foot apart and corrected us very matter-of-factly. "No, not really. It was this big really." It was even smaller when we got home! We're working on it.

We just spent the day enjoying the unbelievably picturesque landscape of lush bright green corn fields under endless blue sky dappled with fluffy whale and bunny shaped cotton balls. More days like this, please!

Nature or Nurture

2009-07-23T08:02:00.000-07:00

I've been hearing a lot lately about how to develop a little person's mind so they don't grow up to be a serial killer. We all know the standard nature vs. nurture argument. According to two vague guys on NPR the other day, those assumptions are totally wrong and can hinder a child's development, but I couldn't understand what they thought did work well. Something about steps they take along the way of growing up. There's the "it takes a village" theory, which I tend to agree with, because I know if I'm the only one raising them, I can only blame myself, and who wants that? According to the statistics in "Freakonomics" by Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt, (which they admit, in general, can be swayed to prove any point) it makes no difference, but what does is your socioeconomic status. Uh oh.

Then there are all the rules:
No TV until they are 2, then only limited. Uh oh.
Read at least 15 minutes each day. Check.
Balanced diet. Needs work.
12 - 15 hours of sleep a day. God, I WISH!

If these rules are not followed, they could turn into lumps, or not reach their full potential, or become serial killers.

Oh the guilt! As I type, Addie is laying on the couch, in her pjs, fingers in her mouth, zoned out with the tv on. Now, before you reprimand me, she has a fever and a nasty wheezing cough, and I'm just trying to keep her rested and hydrated, so there's not much she can do. But I still feel guilty.

Do I play with my kids enough? Do I offer them enough stimulating activities? Do they get enough fresh air? Am I developing their brains in a healthy, loving way?

I know that my children feel loved at least. At Emily's 1 year check up they reminded us that they should receive at least 4 affirmative messages a day. Kisses and hugs and smiles count. We do that a lot, but it's amazing that people need to be reminded. And only 4? Really?

And then there are the projections that can mess up your kid. I took ballet lessons from age 3 to age 12 and discussions were held about that being a career for me. Oh, where would I be now had I not wanted to be in track in Junior High? But now, my daughter is three, and all the girls at the sitter are taking dance classes and my daughter has said she wants to take dance classes too. But here's my hold up... it's not dance class. It's tap and tumbling... uhg! And every semester they smother them in makeup and dress them up in hideous little cow girl outfits and have them bounce around stage to obnoxious music. There is no ballet, the basic technique for understanding classic dance as an art form, the building block for all other performance dance.

Yeah, I'm a ballet snob, and if I let myself go I could become one of those full blown ballet moms, ready to push my little prima dona into world class competition! But I stop myself, conscious of my projections onto another human being that has all the potential to develop into whatever she wants to be. I will grit my teeth through disgusting and expensive costumes, cheesy, poorly executed routines, and tap shoe practice in the kitchen, because she will have fun and make friends, and what's really important here?

Bragging

2009-07-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

Besides being incredibly cute, too cute for their own good, my children are wicked smart!

Adeline starts school in a month, and boy is she looking forward to that! She's so ready. We go to the library for a wee read program every Wednesday. She sits and listens to the stories, responds to the librarian's questions, and eagerly asks for more books to be read when it's over. She has an attention span of literally hours for books.

At bedtime, after reading 3 or 4 books with us, we tuck her into bed, sternly say "It's time for bed, don't get out of bed, you need your sleep!" and then we hear the pitter-patter of her feet hopping out of bed and running for her book shelves. Every morning there are at least 3 or 4 books under the covers with her. There are worse things. She has also started to spell. I-C-E-C-R-E-A-M and W-A-L-K will get her attention, as well as N-A-P. She tells elaborate stories about Scooby-Doo, monsters and ghosts, school, puppet shows or her dreams at night. Her favorite thing to do on long car rides is tell knock-knock jokes. I can see her being an author, journalist, librarian or teacher. Or perhaps an actress as she is quite the drama queen too.

Emily is in love with animals and is very gentle with any she can get close to. The other day I came home from class and Jeremy said "Watch this!" He pointed at a picture of a duck and she said "Duck!", then the same for dog, frog, cow, kitty and horse. She also does moo and meow.

She works hard to get us to laugh. She will hide under blankets and then rip them off and laugh. She will put large building blocks in her mouth, run into the couch, and expel the block making a popping sound and laugh so hard she falls down. She loves music and will sing along or make up her own song.

She loves to explore, and thank God she's pretty much stopped exploring with her mouth. The back yard is fun to explore and she will tirelessly pick up and examine rocks, flowers, clovers, sand and bugs with the analytical eye of a scientist. In the bath tub she will scoop up water and pour it out. She'll either be a geologist, physicist, or veterinarian.

Even though they sometimes grate on my nerves, I do so love my kids, they're pretty awesome!

Next!

2009-07-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

Ahhh! The start of a new class! The adventure, the possibilities, the things to be learned! I'm very excited. Microeconomics in Dubuque in a real classroom. I already have the first worksheet printed off.

On a not so exciting note, Addie went to bed with a fever and woke up vomiting in the middle of the night. I also think the motrin gives her verbal diarrhea. She won't stop talking! Very strange.

Well, I'm off to do things now!

B session

2009-07-10T20:07:00.001-07:00

There is no reason I should not be getting an A in this introductory online econ class. But chances are I will be getting a B+. I participated, I asked questions, I didn't procrastinate, not one bit. But there was no meeting me halfway. Three times I asked the instructor to let me know what I missed on my assignments and why, so that when I took the test I would be ready. Three times I got a response back after the due date of the test, after I had already submitted it. And even then, I was told I missed one or two questions that had to do with this concept or that idea. Questions on the assignments and test were confusing, with two correct answers being possible depending on a missing word from the question, like "directly" or "indirectly". Double negatives, like "they are similar in all ways except for all these ways except this". Other students in the class did the bare minimum, including using text shortcuts and incomplete sentences. There was no discussion of current events, even though I attempted to start one several times. Okay, so I didn't want to write the 8 page paper for extra credit. And I don't need a great grade, I just need to pass for my endorsement. But come on!
Okay, I'm done now... The next class will be better because I will be a pit diving fool!

Happy Independence Day! God bless America!

2009-07-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States.

If you haven't read the whole thing, do so! As well as the entire Constitution. There is so much to love about our country, it is absolutely unique!

Great Things

2009-07-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

Last night we watched Nova Science Now. I love that show! PBS really has some great things going on. They did this profile on Luis Von Ahn, a 30 year old genius professor who invented those annoying morphed nonsense words you have to type in as a password, often to comment on a blog or crackbook. That's to prevent computer generated spam, because a computer can't recognise those words. Pretty nerdy but kind of cool.

But that's not all! You know sometimes you have to type in 2 words, and sometimes you get nervous because one of those words are so morphed and fuzzy you can't tell what it is, but it works anyway? He saw people wasting so much time on these, and decided there had to be a way to put it to work. In our effort to catalog all existing text by scanning them into computers and translating them, a problem occured because some text is so old or morphed that a computer can't recognize it.

So every time you type in 2 of the password thingys, you are actually translating for the computer and adding to the preservation of our human culture!!!

GOOD FOR YOU!

The funny thing was, the presentation started off as showing this guy as a total slacker that only watched TV and played video games. Immediately you start to think, what a loser, he must live in his parent's basement, his only friend a blow up doll. But then you see his gaming system (5 flat screens, lots of cash), you meet his fiancee, and you see him driving his porche and lecturing in a hall. What a misjudgment on my part!

This man is great because he does what he loves. Wooed by all the big IT companies, his passion was to teach, so he passed it up and made himself what he is today. Wow, there is so much hope! So for all the doom and gloom about inequity, hopelessness and apathy, here is a great example of what we are capable of!

My husband is a rock star!

2009-06-27T14:11:00.000-07:00

I'm going to gush about my hunk of man for a minute...

I read an article in Parent's magazine written by a single mom who pointed out why husbands are not such a bad thing. My husband does some stupid things every once in a while (before you balk, honey, "I was just letting it dry." comes to mind), but nothing so bad as I'd want to get rid of him. As a matter of fact, he's pretty awesome.

This week was my surgery, which, if I think about it is really his fault due to his very large offspring. Regardless, I am not supposed to pick up either of our children, so I'm at his mercy. He has been great. But every day he goes above and beyond what may be the average man's doing. He cooks 90% of the time. He changes diapers about 50% of the time. He cleans about 30% of the time. I'd say we split stuff almost even. And in this time of need he has been there fully.

I am most proud because in a drunken ramble, his friend Levi goaded him into saying he could do a sprint triathlon. And not wanting him to pass it up, I made sure this plan didn't go to waste. So, during his hangover the next morning, I stood over him as he signed up for the Tri-hawk.

He's been training by biking, swimming or running every day. Today the boys did a trial run, about half of the race. They survived! They beat their sweaty chests and roared man roars! I'm proud of him!

My body is Benedict Arnold...

2009-06-21T21:25:00.001-07:00

I'm really quite baffled and irritated with my body. I used to think I was quite resilient and I knew my body well and I could take care of it. But, it is starting to betray me.

What I really want is a plan for after the surgery to make sure it never happens again. I pumped the doc for answers, but he told me like 3 times there's nothing I could have done, and nothing I can do to prevent these things from happening. But I want to be in control.

And I wonder, if this was thousands of years ago, and we were all cave men doing our best to just survive, I would have been darwined-out. Survival of the fittest, and I am not the fittest. In addition to that, my babies would have starved, thus eliminating my sucky dna from being passed on, because I'm pretty sure there were no nipple shields to help with breast feeding in the stone age.

So, I feel betrayed.

Hello my friends!

2009-06-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a while! Here are my excuses:

10. I was on vacation in MA where I saw my awesome friends! Love and miss you!
9. Taking an econ class! Macroeconomics! It is to get my Social Studies endorsement, so I can teach it all. I really like it, I'm learning so much, but sometimes it feels like my head is going to explode, and every once in a while the author of the text book pulls out a "oh, it's all so imaginary!" comment. In addition to that, it's online, and I'm not real pleased with the effort my instructor is putting into answering my pertinent questions.
8. Having surgery on Monday! I know, exciting, right? Apparently, I'm old, my body is falling appart, and my gigantic children burst through my abdomin wall during pregnancy. They will put me back together and I will be better than new! I did ask about lippo while he was in there... he thought I was joking...
7. I have a three year old... so much worse than a 2 year old!
6. I have a one year old... getting better about not hoovering cat hair balls and loose change off the floor, but every once in a while... that just makes it worse!
5. I have a husband, and he has needs... like the need to enter into a mini-triathalon! You go baby!
4. North Korea - what the hell is wrong with that guy? I mean, who does he think he is? Come on!
3. "A-Jad" - hahaha! That's what the ticker on some news station called him as we flicked passed it on our sad way to super why or other equally mind numbing cartoon. Again, what the hell is wrong with that guy?
2. The big town of Petersburg! Yes, we have infiltrated their defenses and are starting to make friends! We have been invited to parties, been privey to gossip, had beer in the back yard with several neighbors, AND I WON a corded drill and free pizza from Casey's Gas in the picnic raffle. I NEVER WIN!!! YAY!
1. Crack book, damn it! I hate how superficial it is, only allowing a quick peek into the lives of loved ones, when I really want to sit down with all 243 friends (okay, I only have 60 something) and really ask how they are doing, and really listen... but I can't help myself! I'm on it too much! It's only a matter of time before I start taking those stupid "what kind of ... are you" tests. Damn you crack book!

So that's it. I hope to write more regularly now.

pics for those of you who don't sign on to crack book

2009-05-22T11:51:00.001-07:00

Hollywood diva! Cheerleading

Momma's girl

Birthday cake preparations

Life is SOOO hard.

I'm a little lost.

2009-05-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to irritate my husband. I think I know exactly what I want, but I must be putting out different vibes to the universe.

The three jobs that I applied for; they have all been filled by babies. Not even a diploma in their hands. How does that make me feel? Jealous! What do they have that I don't? So, I'm still waiting for the perfect job.

I believe in boats. You know the story:

Flood. Man praying on top of roof with family. One boat, two boats, three boats refused because he says God will save him. Drowns. Goes to heaven, irate with God for ignoring his pleas. God says, "I sent three boats!"

So, a few weeks ago my babysitter hands me a cutout from the newspaper about a job at a little Catholic School that I had just subbed at for the grade I just subbed at. It is for a 5/6 grade combined class. I'm not certified, but I am more than qualified with my experience at HFHN. I like the atmosphere of the school, very small, community and family oriented, much like HFHN. I really miss that. I might fit nice there. But I let the boat go past, because I'm not really sure I want it.

Friday we went to the Graduation Mass at Divine Word College, and the homily was about a calling. I know my calling is to teach. There is nothing in the world I would rather do. I know I could do any number of things, but I know this is where my heart belongs. My thoughts go to my students who are graduating from 8th grade this year. I miss them! My husband, the heathen, mentions the homily. He thinks this is a boat too.

Then, on Saturday I was invited to a selling party at a neighbors house. I am such a sucker, I go out of obligation and buy crap out of obligation, in the hopes that one day, when I get the courage to host a party at my house, someone will come to my party out of obligation and buy something out of obligation and earn me that free crap that the hostesses always get! It's just common courtesy. And, I have high hopes for this neighbor that she and I will become great friends. I like her, she's very normal.

Anyway, we did introductions, and the woman sitting next to me was telling me about her kids. I asked how old they were, and she showed me picks, and I knew them! I had seen those pictures somewhere. I asked her name and where she worked. She was the teacher I had subbed for at that school that was looking to replace her. I asked about her leaving, she told her story and asked if I was looking for a job. I said I was, and she told me to apply, because the principal wasn't happy with the applications she had gotten so far. Was this the third boat?

I went yesterday and dropped the stuff off and talked to the principal. She is going to ask the diocese about certification. She told me that when she had to get a sub again the kids asked for me specifically. That was nice. She seemed interested.

But I don't know. I'm worried about having to pay to go back to school for another certification, when I really want to start my masters in leadership or administration. I'm worried I won't be using my coaching certificate. I'm worried the school is so small it will close in a few years. I'm worried I will miss teaching history. I'm worried I will miss trying to get adolescents to think for themselves and challenge them. I'm worried about the grammar and spelling, I hate teaching that. I'm worried there won't be enough colleague interaction. I'm worried this experience will make me less marketable for a secondary position.

On the other hand, it would be a classroom of my own, a great environment to work and teach in, and I get to teach, period. Compared to the looming possibility of subbing again next year. Yuck.

Now, the ball is in her court. If I get an interview, I will be interviewing her just as much, trying to make up my mind about what to do. What do you think?

S*#$!d is the newest swear word.

2009-05-15T11:48:00.000-07:00

We had just finished a rather rambunctious jungle gym session, aka CHURCH, and Jeremy says something sarcastic and funny to our oldest, to which she replies,

"Daddy, you're stupid!"

I wheel her around toward me, grab her cheeks, direct her eyes at my stern face and say, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!"

She repeats it and I berate her with all the reasons we don't use THAT word, then banish her to sit in a pew and contemplate her actions.

Since then, stupid is now a four letter word, worthy of a gasp and tattle from our toddler. "Ohhhhhh! Mommy said STUPID!!!! That's naughty!" She catches us in the car, outside, or in the kitchen...

Recently, Jeremy was cooking asparagus on the stove top and opened a cupboard above it to get some seasoning. Out tumbled the baking soda, completely covering his culinary masterpiece. He was less than pleased and let forth a stream of EVERY four letter word, as I tried to shoo my daughter out of harms way, ending in,

"This is F*@!ing STUPID!"

To which my daughter looked at me with innocent doe eyes and said "Ohhhhh! Daddy said STUPID! That's naughty!"

Habits to live by

2009-05-13T17:35:00.001-07:00

From "The 8th Habit" by Stephen R. Covey

Four simple assumptions - one for each part of our nature - to lead a better life:

1. For the body - assume you've had a heart attack; now live accordingly.

2. For the mind - assume the half-life of your of your profession is two years; now prepare accordingly.

3. For the heart - assume everything you say about another, they can overhear; now speak accordingly.

4. For the spirit - assume you have a one-on-one visit with your Creator every quarter; now live accordingly.

I like it.

Family Planning

2009-05-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had an insane thought... "Is it time to have another baby?"

No, I wasn't high, or drunk. Yes, I am still nursing, so some of my brain power and will to live is being sucked out of me daily.

Here's my logic (or illogic, because, yes, I know it's extremely stupid ((which reminds me, I must tell you the story of the word stupid as a naughty word!)) ):

A conversation was had a while back between my husband and me about when to have another baby.

HIM: Why did we have two so close together? All the diapers!

ME: Wine...

HIM: Oh, yeah. When will Addie ever be potty trained? I will never do two in diapers at the same time again!

ME: Well, there is something to be said for getting it all over with at once.

HIM: Yeah, maybe we should just get it over with.

ME: Wow... is that really a good enough reason to bring a child into the world? But, we are already sleep deprived, and we are used to it, and we'd be younger when they grew up and moved out...

I know, we're stellar parents, aren't we? Besides, my kids are never going to grow up. I'm going to lock them in their rooms with bricks on their heads and cherish them forever...

That night we were woken up three separate times at ungodly hours of the morning by two children... oh yeah.

So, fast forward to yesterday. I am looking at being unemployed again for next year. I'm panicked that I will again have to resign control of my day to a random phone call at 6am and someone else's classroom rules. And, I think, "Well, if I'm not going to be working, I should just get knocked up with baby 3 in July, have him (because if it's not a boy, I'm looking at baby 4, so come on!) in April, and be set to go back to work by August because he'll be 5 months.

Sounds SO EASY, doesn't it! Don't worry, I have time to come to my senses. Just keep the cheap wine away from me!

Ignorance is bliss!

2009-04-29T15:34:00.000-07:00

I know this is hard to read, but I tried to hyperlink to the article. I think she was exceptionally kind... I'm sure you all could have some choice words for this "friend". :)

Right on, smart man!

2009-04-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

~Albert Einstein

What to say?

2009-04-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

I want a job. I did get an official rejection letter from one school I applied to (although, sour grapes aside, I came to the conclusion yesterday after subbing there that it is indeed the kids who are running the school, it wasn't just that I was a sub. The teachers tell me "that's just the way it is." NO THANK YOU!).

The other job I applied to is the one I had applied to for the full time sub half way through the year and did not get (the one where I should have known I wasn't going to get it when the Assistant Principal/Athletic Director told me he hadn't read my resume and yawned during the interview!). Interestingly enough, they were very keen to point out during that interview, that it was only for the remainder of the year and couldn't guarantee that an internal candidate wasn't going to take it for next year. I saw that the person they were hiring turned in his letter of resignation immediately upon hiring.

This is the job that the Principal went out of his way to tell me in February he thought it was going to be open for next year and to watch for the posting. And I did with excitement. Then I applied. And it's been forever and I have not heard!

I took a 2 week sub job for a small Catholic middle school and was telling the principal that I had applied for this job. And she told me then to not take it personally, but they were probably going to hire the social studies teacher from the Catholic middle school in that town, because he was the Basketball coach there. And putting two and two together, I bet he's buds with the Assistant Principal/Athletic Director. And I bet this has been in the works from the start. SIGH! To be fair, I hear he is an excellent teacher, and it does make sense, but come on, I feel like I was played.

So, if they would ever send me a rejection e-mail, like they did last time, I would know what's going on. But I need to move ahead, so I've been thinking of my next move. I will be sending a resume and cover letter to the Catholic middle school that the teacher might be leaving. The principal there knows me and has observed me subbing there, and the principal at the 2 week job put in a good word for me to her.

I also want to speak to the principal at the nearby Catholic high school. I haven't heard of any openings, but I want to let him know I'm interested if anything comes up. I've never subbed there before and I haven't met the guy.

So I feel like an idiot, because I don't know what to say. "Hi! You don't know me, but I would like to teach at your school. Do you know if any of your Social Studies teachers are leaving, bit the dust, or just generally suck and you want to replace them?" I'm so shy and bumbling when it comes to this.

I'm going to give it a go when I get home this afternoon, if the stars align and my children are quiet, and my heart doesn't give out from adrenaline. Wish me luck.

Chalk another one up for stem cell research!

2009-04-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

My opinions on reproductive issues became clearer the instant I saw a plus sign on the first pregnancy test I took. Suddenly the whole, "life begins at conception" idea really made sense. My thoughts on abortion in this country are still a work in progress. I think it's wrong, and the few people I know that have had them deeply, deeply regret them. However, the problem I see with it is not a constitutional issue and the government should keep its morally dejected nose out of it. Dealing with this issue needs to start before a woman feels a need to make the choice. We are missing the point when we focus on Roe vs. Wade and all the freedom of choice rhetoric.

And I oppose fetal stem cell research, and am really irritated that our tax dollars can go to this. However, I don't know what to do with the "left over" fertilized eggs just sitting around. Again, this is an issue that needs to be addressed before it comes to the question. You would think that the scientific genius that figured out how to get a non-working penis to work again would be able to accurately implant the perfect amount of fertilized eggs with minimal loss, but really, what's more important?

I have done a bit of research on this and the biggest problem with fetal stem cell use vs. adult stem cell research is that we are already there and have had several big successes (reversal of type II diabetes, for example) with the adult stem cells. Here is the latest: Horse stem-cell technique to be tested in people

http://www.reuters.com/article/rbssHealthcareNews/idUSLF52502720090415?feedType=RSS&feedName=rbssHealthcareNews&rpc=22&sp=true

The problem with fetal stem cell research, besides the destruction of a life, as small and worthless as some deem it to be, is that even after they figure out how to train them to be what they need to be, they still have to figure out how to get it to work without the body rejecting it. It is the same issue as organ donation today, it has to be a match. So, one theory they are considering is to "clone" a person, take a fertilized egg, strip the DNA, insert the persons own DNA, and harvest the stem cells that are produced, IF they can get it to work, which they haven't figured out yet.

So, even if they use all these eggs, and figure out how to train them, none of them will be saving any lives. And for me, with an alternative already being tested with success, the ends do not justify the means.

Easter pics

2009-04-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

Because I know you all want to "ooh" and "ah" over my adorable children in all their easter cuteness!

Here they are!

Would you care for a spot of tea?

2009-04-09T19:02:00.000-07:00

I am going to take part in an historic event in my own time! That's right! I am going to get my fat lazy ass off my couch (that's for you Trinity!) next Wednesday, Tax day, and stick it to the man!!

Yeah!

How clever a protest is a Tea Party? How frickin' cool is that?!?! My nerd juices are just flowing!

And so many to choose from! I will go to Waterloo, Iowa City, or Dubuque to show my dissatisfaction with our runaway government and their stupid crazy spending!

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!!!!

I will be taking part in the MAKING of HISTORY, of which, in case you haven't noticed, I LOVE!!!!

I'm so excited!!!!!

Now, what to wear? I'm thinking feathers...

Maybe this...

Or maybe

THIS...

Oh,

definitely

THIS!

Judas

2009-04-08T15:50:00.001-07:00

What do you think about this guy? You know the story; becomes an apostle, gets a little greedy, sells Jesus up the river for 30 pieces of silver leading to the ultimate glory of God, regrets his actions and gets his comeuppance, hanging from a tree. (Or falling on a plow, depending which story you read.)

We look at Judas with contempt and ask how he, one of Jesus' closest and most trusted 12, could betray him so vilely. But aren't we all a bit like Judas? This is why on Palm Sunday during the gospel reading, where there is crowd participation, I have always hated the part where the congregations part is to say out loud, "Crucify him! Crucify him!" Some years I have refused to say it. I think, if I had been in that crowd, worked into a frenzy by the greedy, jealous, evil Pharisees, I would have said no. But would I have? Do I do it today?

If Jesus is in each of us, and we look for Jesus in each person that crosses our path, are we not shouting "Crucify him!" when we say something or think something against them? When we exclude others or are intentionally mean? When we lose patience, trust and faith? When we turn away from what is right? Are we collecting our 30 pieces at that moment?

Judas went down in history as the most despicable human, but here we are, judging. I feel a little sorry for him. In this story he is the warning, but also the whole point. Why did Jesus even associate with him if he knew all along what he would do? Was it that he was hoping he would change his mind?

Nope! He knew, and understood, and wouldn't have it any other way. Judas is the poster boy for "things happen for a reason" and this was a big reason. The final triumph over death, so that it held no power for us, a bunch of Judases. He was the ultimate sinner, and Jesus even forgave him! In the big picture, love is the reason... for everything.

Deep thoughts

2009-04-06T15:22:00.000-07:00

If you lived in outer space, would it change your perception on things? Looking back at the Earth, would you have a different take on God, politics, love or war? Or would it be just like looking out your kitchen window, only a different view?

I would think it would be life changing. Because sometimes, when you are so far away from something, you see it in such a different light. I think I'd like to try it, but I'll wait for teleportation.

What do you think?

Moms

2009-04-02T16:58:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful time on my trip out to Boston and New Bedford. I got to smell a new baby head, visit loved friends, and help a new mommy out. Which is the reason I went, because after I was inducted into the mommy sorority, I had tons of help to do all the non-baby stuff. I was eternally grateful for the food, laundry, company, advice, dishes and shoulders to cry on or hand my babies off to. And what better way to repay that than to be there for another new inductee!

Upon reflection of this journey I was thinking of all the mums I had the pleasure of keeping company. First, the new mommy. How surreal was it to be sitting with one of my oldest and best friends while she held her brand new baby, and I held (or restrained, man handled and wrangled) my 2nd baby? Completely aware that unsolicited advice is annoying to new moms, I tried to restrain myself, but couldn't help it sometimes. I hope she will take what she wanted and ignore what she didn't. Watching her reminded me so much of when my babies were that little, and made me sad, proud, envious and relieved all at the same time. T will be a very good mommy. The love she has for her baby is very evident in the way she plays with and smiles at him, holds him and gazes at him. He will be loved!

I had the chance to visit with a soon to be mommy. She looked really good... you know, the type of good where she is only showing in the cute, tiny, miniature basketball sort of way with a definite pink glow to her skin and no signs of sleeplessness, unease or vomit on her. I'm so happy for her, but I hate her at the same time. And people like me say, "well, she'll have it easy now, but then the baby will come out! Ha!" I know, I'm evil, but I was "all day" sick for 5 months, swelled like Violet Beauregaurd in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, and was generally miserable... it's a damn good thing I think my kids are cute! I think Emily panicked these soon to be parents as she ping ponged around their living room from one life threatening hazard to the next. First the outlet, then the giant ladder like bookshelf not screwed to the wall with tiny choking hazards and breakables perched on its ledges, to the drawing charcoal and oils set up for painting, to the obscenely pointed coffee table, to the coat hanger with long thin scarfs set to either topple or become a noose... 9 months will be here before you can blink, I told them, but it's fun, and you will have time. It will change your life, but it will give you a life you will never want to give back! The joy of parenting far out ways the worry, stress, sleeplessness, and pain. That's why we have more! I can't wait to share that joy with them! This baby is also very lucky to be born to their family.

I visited with a new grandma. My good friend and co-worker from last year now has a grandbaby, and she has such an easy handed way of loving him. I did not get to sniff his head, much to my disappointment, but I was able to take her to coffee and grill her for information. I asked her how she delt with her daughter doing things in ways that she did not do, and how she gave advice. Very wisely she said she gently offers it by saying, "This is how I used to do it that worked." and bowing out when her daughter says, "The pediatrician says to do this." I greatly admire her and hope that she sucks all the joy she can from her grandbaby!

And then there's the experienced Super Mom, Carrie. PTO and town council leading, fund and hell raising, cupcake assembling, kid chauffeuring, supper making, Martha loving, curtain changing, man eating, goal achieving, I AM WOMAN roaring, friend extraordinaire! She juggles all this and more with three children (because, come on, husbands are sometimes like another toddler)! I loved sitting with tea or wine and comparing notes, sharing plans, hopes and dreams, and learning from her. And again I think to myself, her children are so lucky to have her, and any child that blesses their life will be loved. And that is as good a reason to have another, sweet pea, because you guys make and raise great babies!

To all moms; for the things you do that go unrecognized, great and small, that lead to the raising of spectacular kids, that spreads love in the world and makes it a better place, may you find happiness, peace and God's blessings in your accomplishments as the human race's core and foundation!

I still got it!!!

2009-03-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it! And I didn't pull anything, although I'm a little sore. It was a great reunion, with a few former teammates and many who graduated before us. My very first dance teacher, who taught in her basement and put on a recital where I wore my first tutu and danced to "Lets go fly a kite" and got my picture in the paper, was there! She is the reason I wanted to be a voyager or dance at all! It was great hearing parenting stories. One thing I have to say about us is that we hold up well. Some of these graduates, from 86, still dancing, doing toe touches and shaking their stuff!

And it felt so good. We were the last routine of the night, and the energy for us from the crowd and from us on the floor was outstanding. Someone did say performing would be just like riding a bike, and it was! The smile, the head, the beat, the kicks and spins. And our mid level kicks, in our pride and love, were higher anyway. My husband said we were the highlight, and I think maybe he was right. That love of dance and of the team and all those great memories just came flooding back.

My dad video taped it, the whole team, and just me! I'm in the very back in the center on the black line. Go to his blog to check it out.

Regret?

2009-03-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

At the end of my 8th grade year, I tried out and made our high school dance team, the Vinton Voyagers. We had a top notch reputation at State Dance Team competition, often taking first place in Pom, Jazz and Kick (we only did high kicks... my husband claims this is what got his attention in the first place and then he discovered I had a great personality too... yeah, right).

Our signature colors were hot pink and black, we were so much better than the cheerleaders, and you could find us practicing our dance moves in the lunch line, hall ways between classes, and for 2 hours every day after school in the elementary gymnasium. We were dedicated to the team and you couldn't find a closer bunch of girls. We performed at every home basketball game, State competition, and summer camp. We also had Spring Show, which is the finale to the season. Every routine, plus a few new ones were performed.

Two kids and 13 years after my last spring show, I got a call from Amy, who was on the team with me and is currently the coach of the squad. She informed me that this year is the 30th anniversary of the team. And at spring show they were inviting all the alumni to perform a routine. And guess what I said?

a.) HELL NO! After 2 kids and avoiding most forms of exercise except for wrangling the little urchins and walking to the fridge, I can't even touch my toes, let alone touch them in the air with my legs split!

b.) I would LOVE to, but unfortunately I already have plans for that evening. Please record it and post it on the internet so I can see/make fun of my former teammates.

c.) Sure, that sounds like fun! Sign me up.

I am a glutton for punishment. The whole town will be there, including my family who will record the whole thing and never let me live it down. But the thing is I knew if I had said no, I would regret it. It was actually fun learning the routine, and me and the team will get to do some bonding, but this time we will be reminiscing about old war stories, (remember when we did that move?) and new stories of weddings, children, careers, and we will impart some wisdom on the current team, our legacy.

Here is what I'm up against this Friday evening. I'll let you know if I pull anything!
http://www.vinton-shellsburg.k12.ia.us/whs/Guidance%20Pages/voyagers.htm

Did my children ruin my life?

2009-03-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

My husband accused me of acting like my children have ruined my life. This was because I was less than enthusiastic about dragging them to an art opening around the same time as their bedtime. Honey, I'm not trying to paint you as a jerk here, but I know you. You will want to chat people up and make connections and hob-nob, and what kind of impression will a slightly strung out wild woman who keeps threatening her children with no more princess anything unless you stop touching that way over priced piece of crap (wait... is that a toilet? On the wall?) SO HELP ME GOD, make to the artist community of Dubuque? And then you suggest that I find a sitter. We argue about who called and ordered the pizza last time (I did, by the way), now I get to find a sitter. I did call by the way, no answer, I will try again, maybe they are on the internet.

As I talked to my good friend T yesterday and she lamented that she felt like a slave to breastfeeding and diaper changes, memories of this feeling for me came rushing back. My husband, on our trip to Glacier National Park when Addie was 2 months old, in the cabin, holding up 2 beers (which were not for me) while Addie was strapped to him in the baby Bjorn, proclaiming "Don't let kids slow you down!" and we intended to prove it. And then the frustration with feeling like I was slowed down and strapped to my baby when everyone else got to go on the hike to Grinnell and I had to stay behind because she needed to eat and I couldn't pump enough. You may think feeling upset about this makes me a bad mommy, but I couldn't help but feel jealous, resentful and upset. And maybe you don't have kids yet.

But kids haven't slowed us down, just changed our course. I was driving back from work, ready to pick up my two angels from the sitter, and I was thinking back to LBK (life before kids). What in the world did I do with myself? Besides eat, sleep and shave more, I must have wasted an enormous amount of time. I must have been very selfish with my time. We traveled then, we travel now. We took in culture then, we take in culture now. We put family first, we still put family first.

My children haven't ruined my life, it seems so different now and I can't think what it would be like without them. Having Addie brought us closer to each other, and to our family out east. I think of the Silvas and how our relationship changed with them, from landlord and tenants to Meme and Pepe. And Emily, extra diapers aside, she is such a big factor to what brought us closer to our family here. I play more and am less serious because of my kids. Motherhood, not teaching, is the hardest job you could ever LOVE!

And I heard those baby squeaks over the phone. And I flashed back to when my girls where so small (well, for them) and how they looked and smelled and smiled and cooed and cried and slept. And if I weren't such a "responsible" adult I would be wanting another one RIGHT NOW! But of course I don't. (maybe... NO, really, later...)

Now my children are in challenging yet fun ages. Emily has a sense of humor, and plays games, and belly laughs, and inhales her food, and does tricks like pulling herself up and eating little fuzz balls off the floor. Addie does things by herself, like take clothes off and puts them on, gets on the potty, uses it, flushes and washes her hands all by herself! She also drinks from a normal cup and counts things like puffs that she feeds to her baby sister, all by herself. And, the best part of all is she says "I love you" with a huge hug without prompting. How cool is that? It's better than that first time your husband told you he loved you, because this is your child that's doing it.

So although my kids drive me crazy I am crazy in love with them and they have made my life better because they give it a purpose. I'm not in it for myself, but for my kids. And that selflessness makes me a better person and spreads love all around.

So kids didn't ruin my life, they changed it for the better. Now, I need to go play!

We're RICH!!!!

2009-03-01T08:03:00.000-08:00

I kind of feel like a two bit whore, but we ended up taking a first time home buyer tax credit. It's more like an interest free loan that gets paid back at tax time every year for the next 15 years. And since we get like 1K for each kid, they pretty much cover that. So, in reality, we are actually using our kids to get our money back from the government... I feel like I'm doing something illegal. SO, my new money making scheme is to pop out as many kids as possible, and eventually I'll make a profit, right? (Just kidding! Now if I could figure out a way to get tax credits without the Old Woman in a Shoe Syndrome... any ideas?)

Yesterday, after blinking hard at our online bank balance, I blew through a lot of it just paying back credit cards, bills we had been sitting on, and our daughter (yes, we borrowed money from her! I know! But, if she doesn't improve her 2 year old attitude, we are going to start charging her rent!) And then, I ferreted away the rest into our savings account. Which is actually a pretty good feat for me, because if you know me, you know I'm a frugal franny, a penny pincher, an anti-risk taker, who frets over every little buy and almost always goes generic. It took every ounce of will power to not drive to the bank, withdraw every cent, and proceed to digging many many holes in our yard. And again, I know, I know! It's perfectly safe in the bank, the economy needs me to keep it there, I should really be out buying something with it. But if I had my druthers, I "druther" keep it under my mattress, the floor boards, or the hostas in our yard!

So we sit and dream about what we will use it for. We think and talk in little bursts of creativity: it could be premium off our mortgage or the rest of our car payments or a down payment on a new, brand new car. This is the responsible thing to do. OR it could be a trip to Vegas, my spa bathroom, or we could just cash it in small bills and roll around naked in it!!!!

Or we could just leave it where it is for a while until all this stupidity with the economy settles out and we make sure we're okay. But, to put it all in perspective, it's just money that won't last long, and we already have what we really need to make us happy!

I heart Social Studies and teaching! (Pick me, you'll find no better nerd than me!)

2009-02-24T10:34:00.000-08:00

"I am interested in applying for the Social Studies Teacher position at your school. With five years of classroom experience and a strong interest and background in history and government, I know I would be an excellent addition to your staff."

This is the boring blah first paragraph to my cover letter for a job I would like to have. What I'd really like to say is:

"I HEART history and government! I am a nerd! I have such a PASSION for teaching I cannot imagine doing anything else with my life!!! I get a thrill at those "aha" moments when my students get it! I can inspire even the most resistant of history haters, because I have a talent for finding things they can relate to. I get my students to learn because they don't want to disappoint me, because they catch my enthusiasm for life long learning. I am one of those "good teachers" that this country is so much in need of. I constantly think of ways to improve my teaching, to continue learning, to make changes for the better. I'm fiercely loyal, and I would bring life and love and excitement to your school and you would never want to let me go. I'm a complete package of totally into my subject AND my students! And that's not all... I also am a computer nerd, up to date on all classroom technology. And if you call NOW, I can coach several different sports! PLUS, I'm cute!"

Would that be "unprofessional"? I just don't know if a cover letter can portray this, and I'm not sure how to convey this passion and excitement in an interview in the appropriate way. They just have to get to know me! I'm thinking of choreographing a song and dance routine.

So here I am again, waiting by the phone for someone to catch a glimpse of something in my letter or resume that they like and take a chance on me.

PLEASE?!?!? I promise you'll love me!

My love story. Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-15T17:02:00.001-08:00

The first time my now husband ever told me he loved me was at a high school dance, and we weren't even dating. We were just friends, dancing to Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" (I know, I know!) and I have no idea where those words came from. They surprised me, but I understood.

Our first kiss was simultaneously the worst and the best. I had broken up with one of his friends after he started to imply that he was assimilating me like a borg. "How are we today? What are we feeling like? What are we thinking?" I was thinking he was creepy. I was very traditional in this month long relationship and waited patiently for that first kiss, but it never happened, because he never made the first move. Obviously heartbroken, he began telling locker room stories about how I had a chastity belt from my neck to my knees. Jeremy begged to differ.

He was sitting behind me on the bleachers at a Varsity football game after his JV game with his friend Levi. They were debating the truth to this accusation and Jeremy said, "Oh yeah? Watch this!" He tapped me on the shoulder, grabbed me when I leaned back and gave me an upside down kiss. "What the hell?" I thought. But then I thought, "I wonder what he really kisses like?" So after the game in the parking lot outside my car we tried again, and it was really, weak in the knees, want more forever, nice!

We didn't start dating then. We dated other people, even each other's friends. And then at dance team state competition he kissed me again. And I guess we made it official that Monday at school (Which he will argue with me on this, was Dec. 4th, 1993, but that's when it was official, no, that Saturday with the kiss doesn't count, Jeremy!).

He proposed to me at my favorite place on earth, the deck of the boat house overlooking a perfect sunset on Rock Island, WI. What did I say? I said first, "What did my father say?" and then I said yes, of course. (My father would interject here that he was not asked, but was told.)

Our wedding day, after a brutal rehearsal the day before (we are all surprised no one was killed by me), couldn't have been more perfect. June 2nd, 2001, a bit of drizzle and clouds in the morning to cool things off, bright sun after we emerged from the church as Mr. and Mrs. Rudd. We had an extremely complicated schedule of picture taking to avoid the bad luck of seeing each other before the moment. I didn't have nerves, surrounded by my best friends preening and primping me like a princess, I was just extremely excited, like a bridled horse pulling on the reins, ready to bust out into a full out gallop, just to feel the wind blow by!

And when the doors opened, and I stood before him as his bride to be, I was awash with the knowledge of the blessings I had in my life to be marrying this good, loving, hardworking, man.

So what do I love about my husband? Here's a little list:
1. When I think he is not paying attention and doesn't know who I am or what I like, he proves that he knows me better than I know myself.

2. He's a good kisser. Really, it is the reason I agreed to go out with him. He still turns my knees to jelly!

3. I like his nose, it's very Romanesque.

4. The way he tells stories! I get to hear them over and over again, but his face just lights up and his arms start going, and everyone is enraptured with his tale.

5. Together, we feel strong, able to face any challenge and any joy. I wouldn't face them with anyone else by my side.

6. He would follow me through hell and back, pushing, pulling or carrying me if I needed.

7. He gave me 2 wonderful little girls, that he loves very much and would do anything for.

8. He likes to cook... need I say more? But I will...

9. He's smart. He has a problem solving approach that is fail safe. First he talks to himself in an upbeat, positive way, like brainstorming, but the thoughts always trail off and sentences are never completed. Then he gets quiet and brooding. Then he mumbles. Then he swears. Then he threatens to give up. Then he swears some more, and maybe throws things or kicks things. Then more moody brooding. Then an aha moment! More talking to himself in unfinished thoughts and phrases. Then excitement and a flurry of activity, and viola! He's McGuivered himself a solution!

10. He can't say no, no matter how much he would like to sometimes, even to his detriment, to someone in need. He would bend over backwards for a stranger to help them out.

So, happy Valentine's Day, I hope your marriages/relationships are full of love and laughter, passion and romance, but most of all that you realize why you still love each other! I love you Jeremy Eugene Rudd!

My own Babyrific Friday

2009-02-13T14:40:00.000-08:00

I am soooo excited about Tara and Trinity's baby! He's finally here! I'm sure stats will be up on his page, so I won't ruin it, but I'm sure he's cute.

It was the only time I wasn't the least bit annoyed at a text message yesterday just before 3pm saying her water had broke. And then this morning as I was debating smacking snooze on the alarm I heard the "beep-beep" and I flew out of bed because I knew it was them!

YAY!!!! Welcome to the club!

So, since I'm not sure if Trinity will get around to babyrific Friday, I'm holding my own...

Pics

2009-02-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

Emily in her Christmas finery with cousin Amanda

Emily with chew toy

The Children... deceivingly charming.

Another dress!

The way NOT to teach (my rant).

2009-02-06T06:08:00.000-08:00

I did not decide to become a teacher because of an inspirational mentor or exceptional teacher that touched my life. I remember as early as third grade thinking "If I was the teacher I would never do it like this." For example, giving a capable student a photo-copied packet of 20 worksheets to teach a lesson while they sit and read is not something a capable teacher should do, unless it's for punishment... which it might have been. Telling a student they're stupid in no uncertain terms is also something I wouldn't do. And letting a student do whatever they want to gain their approval and increase a teacher's "coolness" factor, not okay.

I'm working right now. I'm getting paid to babysit a bunch of students that get to do nothing all day. Let me repeat: ALLOWED to do NOTHING for SIX HOURS!!! Yep. A lesson plan for one class was to watch "Finding Nemo" or "The Incredibles", as long as they worked on something. "But he doesn't make us. We have nothing to do." In one class they spent an hour and a half playing on addictinggames.com. In another class they spent the entire time texting on their cell phones. Currently I have one on yearbook page, one playing a psp, and two texting to each other. NOTHING. They tell me they have no homework, no makeup work, no extra credit. And apparently this is normal, according to the kids AND the other teachers. "Oh, they have a 504, they don't do anything", like it's some excuse. What the hell? They get texts from teachers and view their face book pages. There is no Internet fire wall, or use policy.

They adore their teacher because he's young and cool. I get the impression they would do anything for him if he asked. I'm not sure he does. He's around 25 and they tell me he's written a memoir, they've read the intro, but they can't tell anyone because its "pretty R rated." Again, what the hell? But he won't be sticking around because he's not getting to teach what he wants.

It's apparent he has a lot of passion for diversity, tolerance, civil rights, Dave Matthews band, oasis, soccer, baseball, and Obama... which to go off on a side rant, I feel is completely inappropriate due to the impressionable minds of students. I believe that teachers, in a position of power, should not influence students, but teach them to look at political views and decide for themselves. Some of my students are still trying to figure out who I've voted for. I always strive for an open discussion of politics in my classroom, and to encourage them to find the truth. Also to be able to support and back up their views. One of my proudest moments was when my 8th graders put a MA state senator on the spot, telling him in Mrs. Rudd's room he had to support his statements. Which he did well, and taught them that even 8th graders can hold their public officials accountable. BUT, I digress...

He has written a 300+ page book sort of about his life? He's 25. His room looks like a teenage boy's, with posters of rock stars, sports giants and only one bookshelf full of text books, unless there's something in the cabinets... uncharacteristically I haven't snooped. I'll be right back...

His Internet history consists of sports, stocks and fishing sites... I'm bored to tears!!!! And I have an hour left...

So this is the teacher they warn you about. This is what is wrong. This is not okay. What are these students learning every day? It is okay. It is okay to not challenge yourself. It is okay to be spoon fed answers. It is okay to not work hard. What are the consequences? They are that someone will pick up after them, help them along so they can pass out of school without effecting the teacher's scores of passing students they have to submit to the government. These children are being left behind, as a direct result of that legislation. So am I jealous? Why does this guy have a job, and I don't? I've got so much to share and do and help and teach!!!

I learned a lot about the students I was able to engage in a conversation. They shared their stories, and I felt I would love to teach them! I shared my knowledge about plate tectonics, Hawthorne, computers, animal cells and colonial America. It felt great, but it took time, and often they were adamant they didn't want to learn anything, turning away from me and flipping open their slider phones... which, if these kids are such poor workers, how do they afford things like that? And I'm not even sure you could pull the "Maybe they're not cut out for academics."

Here is a big "how I don't want to teach." I can't wait to get out of here... it is sucking my will to live!

Have you missed me?

2009-02-05T08:27:00.000-08:00

I have missed you...

Where have I been? I have been working my butt off at all the local schools, earning the big bucks! It is so nice to get out of the house, go do something useful, and come home to appreciate my wonderful family. And I don't bring any work home, which is nice.

However, it sounds like I may be doing this for a while. There is talk that most schools in this area are laying off teachers. Not good, but if I can continue to sub for next year, perhaps I can go back to school. YAY!!!

You want to know the sad thing? I'm very tired at the end of the day. I feel like such a wuss.

So my birthday was yesterday. I don't think February is the best time for my birthday. I would like it to be moved to July, okay? The stresses of work, family, time restrictions like a 10pm bedtime and 5:55am wake time prevent me from truly celebrating this momentous day. When it is moved to July, it will be sunny, warm, and I will be on vacation, able to live the good life, stay up late, sleep in, and relax. July 21st, 2010, I will be 29 for the 4th time.

I got wine, cake and ice cream, and spaghetti for dinner, and an hour of bubble bath time and book reading. It was very nice. Not like when I was 20 something, but nice. I also get to go shopping this weekend with my mommy!

So now that we've caught up, I promise I will post more mundane narrative of my life in the coming days.

Sofia, great to hear from you! How are you feeling? I'm very happy for you!

My perfect job

2009-01-20T19:39:00.001-08:00

I want to be an As Seen On TV Tester. I want to spend someone else's money to buy all the products that are advertised on those half hour paid shows, test them out for a time, and write a review to let the world know if they really live up to their claims.

First on my list: The slicer thing called the magic chopper. There's NO WAY that sucker can cut things like that. It shows up diced after it's passed through the blades, but you would have to take it out and do it again to get that result. I just can't figure it out.

Then: the blanket with arms... yes! Nothing better for a cold blooded gal who likes to snuggle on the couch.

The magic bullet... not that kind... the party they throw on the TV looks so fun! And it makes like a million things. Great as long as you have a dishwasher. I wonder if you could chop non food items up?

Spanks... I just like the name.

Bow Flex: As long as it comes with an instructor... to help me use it... otherwise you might find me tangled in all the strings like a discombobulated spider.

Slendertone ab machine thingy: Come on, great abs while doing nothing but sending electric pulses through your middle while you sit on your butt and watch more infomercials? HEAVEN!!!

Purse brite mini organizer: Yeah, right.

The Little Giant: It's a ladder... but it twists and turns and gets bigger and even makes a bridge.

Pro Caulk: No way this can work, its too easy

Sham Wow: Will I really say wow every time?

There's so much stuff that I would love to try!

Did I mention that I LOVE infomercials, and if I were independently wealthy I would buy so much crap!

Nope :(

2009-01-16T15:20:00.000-08:00

I didn't get the job.

As a matter of fact I got rejected in a "form" e-mail. Yeah. "Dear applicant" it said. They did have 38 people to notify, that's a lot of calls.

I am disappointed, for we had already spent the oodles of moolah (ha ha) I would have made in our minds. And I probably wouldn't have had to search for a job in the spring. And somebody would have taken me away from my children, because after being cooped up for 4 days due to the obscenely low temperatures, they need me to go away from them for a while.

It's just hard to get rejected, even if it is better. You hype yourself up, and convince yourself you're so good so you can convince them, and then it's a blow to the ego when they don't realize how fabulous you are. I got the impression from the assistant principal he was doubtful that I could handle a room full of high schoolers, and I didn't make the point very clear that of course I can.

On the other hand I don't have to bring homework home, or walk into someone else's classroom and try to live up to their popular reputation. And, because it was full time, that meant full time baby sitting and a sharp reduction in breast feeding. So now I will be able to sub when I want to and make sure I can try to breast feed up to a year. I also have the opportunity to get to know other schools, so when I do apply I can have a foot in the door.

It doesn't totally suck, just kind of.

Still... What is taking so long?!?!

2009-01-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

JUST GIVE ME THE JOB ALREADY!!!

Yesterday I got called for my 2nd subbing job... today, they cancelled school, again...

What is God trying to teach me today? Or is he just being funny?

Still... waiting...

2009-01-15T06:38:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I got a call for my first subbing job. Great! Finally back into a classroom!

Today, they cancelled school, again. Heavy sigh.

And the school I applied to for the full time job is cancelled. Does that mean they won't call? Grrrrr!

And it is way below zero. My husband said -30 according to the car. My soon to be sitter, if I ever get to go teach, said it's colder here than the north pole.

WHAT?!?! Why did we move back again?

Waiting...

2009-01-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

I hate waiting SO MUCH!

No word yet. What does that mean? Does it mean they are interviewing more people? Does it mean they need to go through all the red tape and get a contract ready before they call? Does it mean they've offered it to someone else and they are waiting for their response before they call me to let me down?

It's so nerve racking! Why don't they just call?

It went well, I think. Of course all night I just kept thinking back to stupid responses or things I wish I had explained better. I replay it over and over trying to analyze their reaction to things I said.

I try not to get my hopes up, but despite my best efforts I will be disappointed if I don't get it. But I have to remember everything happens for a reason, and something even better could be waiting for me.

Okay, CALL...

NOW!...

How about ... NOW!

now?
now?

... right... now?

Hey, if you readers have my home number and really want to mess with me, call the house phone, because every time it rings I feel like vomiting! Pretty entertaining.

interview!

2009-01-10T08:21:00.000-08:00

Monday at 1:30! Wish me luck! Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts!