This is me at age 3 right before my first dance recital. It was at the Braille School, to "Let's Go Fly a Kite", and I made my way up to the front of the stage, did an arabesque, and had my pic in the paper. I bet I could request it from the paper. This is my daughter, age 3, right before her first dance class! Looks familiar?Here she is twirling in front of the mirror...

Posing...

Doing a curtsy, her favorite move!

Tuesday is the best day of the week!

Monday is, of course, just a suck day. There's no way around it, unless it's a holiday. Wednesday is, according to one study, actually the worst day of the week. I can believe that. Right in the middle, not even close to the weekend. And the weekend, honestly for me, isn't all that different from the week, except there is no chance of reprieve for me from my kids with a sub job.

But Tuesday! My favorite day! Do you know why? Because my hell-on-wheels, back-talking, trash-talking, time-out-living, beast of a three year old is transformed into a sweet, flaxen haired, bun wielding, hot-pink tutu wearing, twirling, whirling, smiling ballerina for 45 minutes. And it is pure heaven.

Last week her shoes came in. Amateur mums and dads handled them like raw fish, searching for the label to signify right and left, afraid to tarnish the new pinkness of them. I sat Addie down in my lap and said, "Your very first ballet shoes! These are SO SPECIAL!" slipping them on indiscriminately, because it doesn't matter until they break them in. "Now go jump around in that huge box of rosin and have fun!" Other parents were horrified, with apprehensive glances at that corner of the room. If you're going to twirl on a waxy floor, your feet need to be sticky!

I watch through the window. Sometimes her blonde little head whips around and spots me, and she breaks out in the hugest smile, lighting up the whole room. There are no other ballerinas in the room, just my little girl... until she spots a troublemaker (it takes one to know one) hanging from the barre. I plead silently she will not follow suit and get in trouble. She decides instead to check herself out in the full length mirror and shake her butt, Beyonce style. I love it!

She is excited for winter break, when she can finally put on her shiny, noisy, tap-tap shoes. I'm not so much looking forward to that. For one, the noise, but then there is the challenge of getting them off of her. Once they're on, it's kind of like the ruby red slippers from "The Wizard of Oz," the only way to get them off is to kill her... or, I've found bribing her with food works well.

I get to relive my young ballet days. I'm sure this is how my parents felt when they watched me, and now I watch my little girl. Yes, Tuesdays light up my life! Gone is the sass, the pouting, and the bad behavior, I fall in love with my little girl every time!

Journal Entries

The classroom I'm subbing in has journal questions each week, something I used to love to assign for morning work, along with brain teasers. I feel it really lets you get to know kids sometimes, if you can break past the monotonous answers to the most monotonous questions. This week's question here is "If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?" Oh, I can think of a million different uses!

Those of you who know me would say I would take care of business first... cash it out in new dollar bills, spread it all over my room and have way too much fun!!!

Then...

pay my debts, which would be credit cards, the house and the van. Then take care of future debts... by a fuel efficient car (preferable a 2010 Prius), hire someone to remodel the house (add the bathrooms, level the floor in the basement and put a new floor in, the bedrooms upstairs, air ducts, take out the wall between the kitchen and living room, hardwood floors, deck out front) and replace all existing appliances with the newest and most efficient. Then I'd invest what was needed for retirement and the kid's secret college fund (because I want them to work). I'd give a chunk to our church, to the school, and then maybe start a rural water company to handle our town's waste problem, and put in sidewalks. I'd also research about 5 charities that I could set up funds and give to. I like St. Vincent de Paul society and CASA.

After that, I've always wanted a "kitty car", a hunter green Jaguar, with tan leather interior and the shiny chrome kitty on the front. I don't know why.

That should about do it. :)

Hobbies

I've been in a small funk for a couple weeks, which I mostly attribute to a mysterious illness that has given me headaches, tummy aches, and fatigue. It's not enough to shut down and curl up in bed for a few days, but has affected my energy level to a point where I feel the minimum is all I can handle. My husband feels he needs to fix me by suggesting multiple hobbies I could become involved in.

I don't think I'm very dynamic. As a wife I disdain all things domestic. The only thing that keeps me from hiring a maid is money. Cooking, laundry and cleaning all seem like a never ending epic battle: I just beat back what I have to to get by. I guess he knew what he was getting himself into.

He has suggested watercolors. I turn my nose up. He has suggested gardening. Is that like outside domestic chores? Triathlons, like him... is the water cold? No way. Oh, and I can't ride a bike. How about helping him in the studio? Not really.

I could get into horse riding, but I have no money, and what do I do with the kiddos? I like to dance, but lessons are expensive and what do I do with the kiddos? I could get into hiking, but what do I do with the kiddos? (see a theme?)

I could ask him to watch the kiddos, which he would do, but we don't have a lot of time. And as I've explained often, sometimes it's not worth it because of what I might have to deal with when I come home, making the fun and relaxing I had null and void. It's a lot like coming back to the classroom after having a sub for a day.

I like history, but is that really a hobby? Is teaching? I'm such a nerd, it's really what I enjoy! I like to think and read about it, and learn, and be creative in the classroom, getting "a ha moments" from kids, like points on a video game!

I'm just in this little funk and I don't even know what to blog about. It will pass and I will be excited about life soon. Then maybe this will be more interesting to read!

I don't kill baby orphans for profit!

I don't know that anyone reads this blog any more, with face book and all those immediate gratification sites, but I just need to get this off my chest...

I don't kill baby orphans for profit, nor do I support any corporation that does. I am not a racist. I am not ignorant or stupid or naive. I do not consider myself overly selfish, uncaring or greedy. And I can back all of these statements up with tax records, testimonials and empirical evidence!

I do not support health reform. I know that by saying this out loud (or anywhere on the web) I am setting myself up to be judged with a number of automatic prejudices. Well, I'm tired of being silenced by it.

People say there are greedy corporations out there taking advantage of us. This means we are assuming we don't have a choice, that we are being hoodwinked, that we are too stupid to know what's good for us. Well, maybe some of us are, but not most of us, and I don't think me. We always have a choice. (Here is where some would roll their eyes and sigh and call me dumb... no, really, it's happened... and if you are doing it, just stop it! Go read some other blog, you have a choice!)

For the most needy of us there are systems in place to make sure they are taken care of. I know, because I worked tirelessly for two years to make sure they received the best health care, including preventative. It was Medicaid and SSI that provided the funding, but it was not the system that was helpful. The bureaucracy did it's best to withhold, prevent payment and ration care through complicated paperwork, documentation and back logs of which these people could do nothing against. It was dedicated staff at SAIL, a private organization, that fought for their rights and provided outstanding support, despite the government's shortcomings.

In this sense, for our most needy, they are right, the system is broken. Our government needs to fix medicare, medicaid and social security, before they mess with the private organization. Make sure your own house is in order first. They also need to let the young and able opt out now, so we have a chance at independence in the future. Unless we increase taxes on everyone, we can't support these programs for our generation. Let's call it like it is and be honest, we need to sack up and start paying if what we're going to do is let the government take care of our most needy.

For those of us that can afford or barely afford private insurance, we don't have to pay those prices, we don't have to have insurance. We can forgo other expenses in order to pay for insurance, we can choose to have a job with insurance. As a nation, we spend more of our income on "entertainment" than we do health insurance. Where are our priorities? We can look to churches, co-ops, and already in place government programs to help us. We can appeal to our doctors and hospitals, communities and neighbors.

I don't remember much, but when I was little my mother got cancer. Her insurance covered it, they also spent all of their savings and went into debt, but as soon as she had beat it my dad quit his job because life was too short, and started his own business. This meant they lost their insurance when mom had a "pre-existing condition." They found their own insurance and paid for it, making choices and sacrifices to be able to pay for it. They managed. And I say if they can do it, so can we.

I have a problem with government "taking care of people." (unless your talking "takin' care a peeps" said gansta style with hand gestures, I have no doubt they're really good at that.) It was not designed to do so. Individuals are designed to take care of one another. If you see a need in your community, you need to step up and take care of it. Letting the government do it is inefficient. It takes too much time, creates middle management and oversight, and opens the door for corruption and abuse. The government doesn't care about us. People care about us.

And it's not because the President is black. First of all, he's not, he's only half black. Second of all, he's not the branch of government in charge of legislation or money, so my beefs not with him. And Third, good grief, really? That shouldn't even be an issue in this day and age. Stop giving power to that kind of argument, people!

So no, I don't want to kill baby orphans for a profit. This argument isn't as easy as labeling me stupid or heartless. I just feel the problems need to be addressed on a grass roots level, from the bottom up, and I believe they can be. If you don't believe that, and you think the government can do it, good! I hope you start running for office soon. (Dad, this does NOT include YOU!) Because the ones in there aren't going to be able to do it. We are the people, we need to do it. And if you're a Christian, (another thing you can't say anymore without people assuming things about you) "He has no hands, but yours." So get to work!

It's been too long

Certain events in our town have made me realize that life really is too short and I've been focusing too much on the forest and not the trees, being intimidated and fearful for fear of what people will think of me, and inviting negativity into my zone. I'm done with that!