It's not about me

Coaching is not about the coach, I try to remember that. But after all the success my kids have had this past year in each of the sports I coached, I can't help but sit back, smile, let the pride I have in each of them gush out of me!

Nine of them are moving on, and I can't help but feel greatful for the short amount of time I had with them. I so look forward to the ones I will have next year.

They all taught me so much, and I reveled in all their successes! Each PR, each mastery of a new move, each advancement or placement or seconds shaved off was cause for celebrating for me, even though they were the ones who did all the hard work and preparation to make it happen. I'm still really proud of them.

My husband is the best!

I truly don't deserve the man I married. A lot of times I don't appreciate him like I should, but let me sing his praises right now.

At this very moment, he is in our master bathroom, transforming it from a plywood project into a sensational spa retreat, after having spent the whole day with our almost 3 year old, grocery shopping, planting a garden and cooking dinner. And I'm pooped!

He is very patient with me. I'm not high maintenance in the buy lots of clothes, jewelry, or shoes, but I'm difficult in my own way. He must really love me! I'm very thankful for him!

I'm done now.

Okay, I'm done whining. The teacher that got that job student taught in Egypt during the revolution. That's pretty cool, I would have hired her too.

And a 7th grader at my school lost her life in a car accident this week. Really puts things in perspective. I'm going to hug my kids more.

And happily, Addie turned 5! She had a great birthday! The big party is on Sunday. I should really take more pictures. I ordered 200+ pics from snapfish the other week. Now I just need to take more.

And track is almost done. I've really enjoyed coaching those kids, just not the weather or being gone from home so much.

Summer will be awesome!

Downer

I did not get that job. I did not even get an interview. I got an e-mail saying they hired someone else. I have so many questions.
Why did someone else get it?
What was wrong with my application?
Am I obsolete?
Am I a bad teacher?
What now?

I could be anything I want to be, I've considered it heavily. But why was I given this passion for teaching in a classroom? I don't even know how to describe the feeling I get when I get to teach, when kids are learning. A conversation with a Senior track girl on a long ride home from Drake Relays made me realize other people have this pull too.
With an air of awe, she said, "When I'm working with a child, helping them with their speech, and they say something that I taught them how to say, my eyes fill with tears. I know this is what I'm meant for!"

I said I knew exactly how she felt, and I do, I really do.
Why do I have this feeling if I'm not going to do this with my life? Why don't I have this feeling for staying home and raising my own children? I feel like I'm getting burned out, tired, old, before I really even start my career, and these good years are being wasted on waiting.

Very frustrated.