Downer

I did not get that job. I did not even get an interview. I got an e-mail saying they hired someone else. I have so many questions.
Why did someone else get it?
What was wrong with my application?
Am I obsolete?
Am I a bad teacher?
What now?

I could be anything I want to be, I've considered it heavily. But why was I given this passion for teaching in a classroom? I don't even know how to describe the feeling I get when I get to teach, when kids are learning. A conversation with a Senior track girl on a long ride home from Drake Relays made me realize other people have this pull too.
With an air of awe, she said, "When I'm working with a child, helping them with their speech, and they say something that I taught them how to say, my eyes fill with tears. I know this is what I'm meant for!"

I said I knew exactly how she felt, and I do, I really do.
Why do I have this feeling if I'm not going to do this with my life? Why don't I have this feeling for staying home and raising my own children? I feel like I'm getting burned out, tired, old, before I really even start my career, and these good years are being wasted on waiting.

Very frustrated.