I'm starting to irritate my husband. I think I know exactly what I want, but I must be putting out different vibes to the universe.
The three jobs that I applied for; they have all been filled by babies. Not even a diploma in their hands. How does that make me feel? Jealous! What do they have that I don't? So, I'm still waiting for the perfect job.
I believe in boats. You know the story:
Flood. Man praying on top of roof with family. One boat, two boats, three boats refused because he says God will save him. Drowns. Goes to heaven, irate with God for ignoring his pleas. God says, "I sent three boats!"
So, a few weeks ago my babysitter hands me a cutout from the newspaper about a job at a little Catholic School that I had just subbed at for the grade I just subbed at. It is for a 5/6 grade combined class. I'm not certified, but I am more than qualified with my experience at HFHN. I like the atmosphere of the school, very small, community and family oriented, much like HFHN. I really miss that. I might fit nice there. But I let the boat go past, because I'm not really sure I want it.
Friday we went to the Graduation Mass at Divine Word College, and the homily was about a calling. I know my calling is to teach. There is nothing in the world I would rather do. I know I could do any number of things, but I know this is where my heart belongs. My thoughts go to my students who are graduating from 8th grade this year. I miss them! My husband, the heathen, mentions the homily. He thinks this is a boat too.
Then, on Saturday I was invited to a selling party at a neighbors house. I am such a sucker, I go out of obligation and buy crap out of obligation, in the hopes that one day, when I get the courage to host a party at my house, someone will come to my party out of obligation and buy something out of obligation and earn me that free crap that the hostesses always get! It's just common courtesy. And, I have high hopes for this neighbor that she and I will become great friends. I like her, she's very normal.
Anyway, we did introductions, and the woman sitting next to me was telling me about her kids. I asked how old they were, and she showed me picks, and I knew them! I had seen those pictures somewhere. I asked her name and where she worked. She was the teacher I had subbed for at that school that was looking to replace her. I asked about her leaving, she told her story and asked if I was looking for a job. I said I was, and she told me to apply, because the principal wasn't happy with the applications she had gotten so far. Was this the third boat?
I went yesterday and dropped the stuff off and talked to the principal. She is going to ask the diocese about certification. She told me that when she had to get a sub again the kids asked for me specifically. That was nice. She seemed interested.
But I don't know. I'm worried about having to pay to go back to school for another certification, when I really want to start my masters in leadership or administration. I'm worried I won't be using my coaching certificate. I'm worried the school is so small it will close in a few years. I'm worried I will miss teaching history. I'm worried I will miss trying to get adolescents to think for themselves and challenge them. I'm worried about the grammar and spelling, I hate teaching that. I'm worried there won't be enough colleague interaction. I'm worried this experience will make me less marketable for a secondary position.
On the other hand, it would be a classroom of my own, a great environment to work and teach in, and I get to teach, period. Compared to the looming possibility of subbing again next year. Yuck.
Now, the ball is in her court. If I get an interview, I will be interviewing her just as much, trying to make up my mind about what to do. What do you think?
We had just finished a rather rambunctious jungle gym session, aka CHURCH, and Jeremy says something sarcastic and funny to our oldest, to which she replies,
"Daddy, you're stupid!"
I wheel her around toward me, grab her cheeks, direct her eyes at my stern face and say, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!"
She repeats it and I berate her with all the reasons we don't use THAT word, then banish her to sit in a pew and contemplate her actions.
Since then, stupid is now a four letter word, worthy of a gasp and tattle from our toddler. "Ohhhhhh! Mommy said STUPID!!!! That's naughty!" She catches us in the car, outside, or in the kitchen...
Recently, Jeremy was cooking asparagus on the stove top and opened a cupboard above it to get some seasoning. Out tumbled the baking soda, completely covering his culinary masterpiece. He was less than pleased and let forth a stream of EVERY four letter word, as I tried to shoo my daughter out of harms way, ending in,
"This is F*@!ing STUPID!"
To which my daughter looked at me with innocent doe eyes and said "Ohhhhh! Daddy said STUPID! That's naughty!"
Yesterday I had an insane thought... "Is it time to have another baby?"
No, I wasn't high, or drunk. Yes, I am still nursing, so some of my brain power and will to live is being sucked out of me daily.
Here's my logic (or illogic, because, yes, I know it's extremely stupid ((which reminds me, I must tell you the story of the word stupid as a naughty word!)) ):
A conversation was had a while back between my husband and me about when to have another baby.
HIM: Why did we have two so close together? All the diapers!
HIM: Oh, yeah. When will Addie ever be potty trained? I will never do two in diapers at the same time again!
ME: Well, there is something to be said for getting it all over with at once.
HIM: Yeah, maybe we should just get it over with.
ME: Wow... is that really a good enough reason to bring a child into the world? But, we are already sleep deprived, and we are used to it, and we'd be younger when they grew up and moved out...
I know, we're stellar parents, aren't we? Besides, my kids are never going to grow up. I'm going to lock them in their rooms with bricks on their heads and cherish them forever...
That night we were woken up three separate times at ungodly hours of the morning by two children... oh yeah.
So, fast forward to yesterday. I am looking at being unemployed again for next year. I'm panicked that I will again have to resign control of my day to a random phone call at 6am and someone else's classroom rules. And, I think, "Well, if I'm not going to be working, I should just get knocked up with baby 3 in July, have him (because if it's not a boy, I'm looking at baby 4, so come on!) in April, and be set to go back to work by August because he'll be 5 months.
Sounds SO EASY, doesn't it! Don't worry, I have time to come to my senses. Just keep the cheap wine away from me!
I am currently a Middle School Science Teacher and coach, with four children - Addie 7, Emily 5, Lucy 1, and Jeremy my husband of 11 years. I am a teacher by trade and passion. I am interested in education, SCIENCE!, history, literature, politics, the great outdoors and mommyhood. I miss adults and my flat stomach... okay, I never had a flat stomach to miss.