Thinking out blog

I used to write in my bathroom when I needed to think. I would take a notebook, huddle up on the floor next to the heat vent, and just write. I write like I think, and I didn't worry about spelling or punctuation or proper anything. My handwriting is atrocious, and became much worse the faster I thought. Getting it down on paper helped me straighten out my thoughts, clarify what I really wanted, finish conversations, get the last word in. It also helped me solve problems, and let go of guilt or "shoulduves."

I'm not sure why it was the bathroom. I could be in there for a long time and no one would bother me or ask what I was doing (because they thought they knew!).

I chew on problems. No, it's more like mauling, even long after it's dead and over, like a huge woolly bear after it woke from hibernation. Or, like me with my daughters Halloween candy on a cold fall night. Endlessly mauling...

The only way to stop the carnage is to talk it to death. I review the case over and over with anyone who will listen; my friends, my neighbors, my husband, my parents, random strangers standing in line at the grocery store. Talk, chew, maul, talk chew maul...

But now I have blogging, and writing is still a great way to get it all out and say all I want to say, and look it over, and maul it over. I'm not really sure that anyone reads this anymore, which is kind of fun, but kind of strange too. Because I don't really write the thoughts out to get advice (sometimes, but not always), but to get them out there somewhere, so they're not stuck in my head.

So I guess you could call it thinking out blog.

My family and God's plans

I've missed my family lately. Sometimes I leave at 7:30am and don't get home until 6:30 at night. I see my husband and kiddos for 30 minutes after they get up, and 30 minutes before they go to bed! That's just not long enough, but I know other families do this 5 days a week!

My husband, who I'm so thankful for, is such a wonderful parent, and a saint of a husband. He bears the brunt of the work about 3 days a week. He gets them up, feeds them, dresses them, takes them to school and the sitter, goes to work himself, then comes home and picks them up and brings them home, and cooks supper for us.

Sometimes, (more often than not) I feel like a big sack of poop. Perhaps I know why God's plan and my plan didn't match up these past few years. Maybe my family couldn't handle me being gone this much 5 days a week if I was teaching full time. I'm not really good at staying home with the kids. I can never think of cool crafty learning projects to do with them. I'm not a domestic goddess. I hate to cook and my cleaning skills are pathetic. I can sew, but I don't. I'm sure my mother-in-law is horrified that her son is subjected to such squalor. It's a good thing this isn't the archaic past, when my husband would have had all the grounds in the world to kick me to the curb.

But I love my family more than anything. I show it by making sure there are vegetables on their plates at most meals, clothes are clean and picked out of "Mt. Washmore" and laid on the bed nearly every morning, the necessary dishes are clean and waiting in the cabinet known as "the dishwasher" most of the time. And when I do get home, I try to "take over" so he can have a break and I can spend some time with my lovely children.

So, if it is God's plan to someday have me working in a job where I feel he gave me a talent and passion for, teaching, I pray that he also has a plan for including my family in it.

Coach Rudd

I don't get as many "aha! moments" when I sub, so coaching fills that passion. I get to struggle with the team as they work toward their best, and celebrate when they have reached their goal, and then motivate them to set and reach yet another goal. And for that, I get the title of coach! I love to be called that! Coach Rudd!

My first experience this year was fabulous! When I was hired as the cross country coach, I wasn't even sure there would be a team, as they ended with 3 last year, and it had to have 8 to run. I was given a list of all kids and phone numbers in the school, and I just went down it and cold called. I got laughed at. But 6 said yes by the start of school. Then they recruited, and then they recruited more, stealing two away from volleyball and one away from football. I had 11 varsity runners, which was enough to run a full boys team and a full girls team. I also had 6 junior high students, which will hopefully carry over to next year. This led to something the team hadn't seen in almost 4 years... taking a bus, a whole bus, to a meet. We took a whole bus to every meet!

I worried about how I would create an atmosphere of fun and ambition to get their best times. But the three returning runners and some spirited new comers set the tone for an extremely close-knit and supportive team, and bestowed upon the younger their techniques for running their best. I could not have asked for a better team to be my first cross country team.

Now I'm in Dance Team season, which is a whole other beast. All girls, a lot more drama, and more stress to compete well and place high at state competition. I'm trying to foster a healthy team atmosphere, but this team was beat up and badly bruised from their coach last year, who was apparently a negative perfectionist. Nothing they did was right, and she let them know it. I like to motivate in a different way. I get the impression that the 5 seniors and 2 other returning members have their loyalty split between her and me, and sometimes they attempt to manipulate. Not sure how to get around it, but I'll figure it out. By the end of this season, I'm positive they will be a better team and better dancers. After all, I'm the coach!

My thoughts on the mandate aka what voters want!

Announcement: The world is not ending now that the election is over. Just as it did not end in 2008. The nation is not ripping apart. The Republicans were not given a mandate. The nation did not lose it's mind and vote back in the crazies who destroyed the surplus and our nations reputation. You want to know what I think the swing is? I don't care, I'm going to tell you anyway! A cry for gridlock. The thought that one party, who won by 53% (president), controlling the entire congress and the white house, is alright until you realize what checks and balances mean. If the majority of people think that the party's agenda is good, fine. But the majority doesn't think all of it is. And the way things were moved forward was too fast without compromise. They were very smart to push so hard and so fast to accomplish all that they did, because that's the only way it would have passed ever because you can't please everyone, or even a majority. So I think the massive swing was in the hopes of providing some checks and balances to the Fed again, to bring legislation back in line with what more people want.

Another opinion: I don't agree with a lot of what was done, but, I don't think it was done with the intention of harming anyone. Sure the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and politicians make my skin crawl and stomach lurch, but the people that voted one way or another, in 2008 and 2010, voted that way because they feel it was the best solution to the problems we all agree need fixing.

So we have different perspectives. Don't assume I'm stupid or heartless or just don't know the facts, or the propaganda has me in its grip. I'm not, I do, it doesn't. I'm pretty thorough in my research, have strong convictions, and try to keep an open mind.

But trust me, I'm right!

Thoughts on Glitter Tattoo Pens

Driving with children should be banned. Forget cell phones, smoking, or texting, children are more distracting than anything else! They scream, cry, throw things, demand, pick on each other. I continuously position my rear view mirror to see them in the back seat, rather than the road.

Is that bad?

We have a plethora of toys with tiny intricate pieces meant to entertain them bouncing around the back of the van. It looks like Toys'R Us and McDs set off a mini toy nuke. I'm continually saying things like, "Share with your sister!" and "Don't make me pull over!" and "Don't put that in your mouth!" One such item is a pack of 6 glittery tattoo pens, meant to write on paper or skin. It's totally washable, I have no idea how they made glitter and bright colors so easy to get off, but it's truly a miracle! They could be covered from head to toe, and the stuff wipes off with one wet wipe! So what a perfect thing for them to have in the car, except for putting them in their mouth.

Which brings me to yesterday. Driving in Cedar Rapids with Mom, mirror positioned to keep an eye on the hellions, when Addie starts hollering from the back seat. I glance back, and deep purple, glittery ink is oozing from her mouth! What a freaky sight! I try not to panic and tell her to spit, which for her means spraying and raspberries. Purple, glittery, spittle sprays all over the back seat! I yank the car to the right across 3 lanes of traffic and pull into a restaurant parking lot, rip the door open, drag my daughter out and pry open her purple glittery mouth. I scrubbed her tongue with baby wipes, which hind sight being 20/20, not so sure about ingesting that either, and wipe off all the purple goo from her face, neck, chest, arms, hands, legs, and feet. I gave her my water to swish and spit several times. Then I reassessed.

Thoughts in my brain in less than 10 seconds:
1. If it were poisonous, would it really be in a child's pen?
2. But, what child breaks open a pen and drinks the goo out?
3. What sort of thing goes into the ink to make it that color?
4. What is glitter made out of?
5. Crap, is it lead?
6. No, it has to be non-toxic to be drawn onto skin, right?
7. Was it made in China?
8. Should I call poison control?
9. Kids swallow all sorts of things, like pennies, dirt, scissors (or was that convicts in jail?)
10. Will she listen the next time I tell her not to put something in her mouth?
11. What the hell was she doing to the pen?

She said she couldn't taste it anymore, but her tongue stayed purple and glittery for an hour after, even through a strawberry smoothie at Target. I did not call poison control, as she didn't complain of burning, or a tummy ache, or pain. I'm still second guessing myself on that, but it's past 24 hours now and she seems normal. Well, as close to normal as my child gets. I kept my panic in check. I did, however, check her poop today. I'm not going to lie, I was slightly disappointed it was not purple or sparkly.

Mornings

I have never been a morning person. I was drug out of bed when I was little to be thrown into freezing cold water by 7am in the summer for swim team practice. I was drug out of bed during the school year extra early because I had to be out the door walking to the bus by 6:30am. In high school I did stupid things like sign up for early bird gym and do two sports in one season. In college it seemed I always had at least one 8am class, or a job that started at 6am. Then I had a few years reprieve, where I had a normal job, I could be to work by 9am and sleep till noon on the weekends. But by then, I had discovered the elixir of life, wine of the gods, go-juice!
I used to hate coffee. It was bitter, and disgusting, and I was stupid! I tried to be adult and drink it on several occasions, but the cup was always left mostly full. And then I met Dunkin Donuts!
The very first day we were in New Bedford, MA, we noticed the D&D stores, billboards, tv ads, and styrofoam coffee mug in every person's hand. There is no greater marketing campaign than that of D&D on the east coast. Because those people, as one of their adverts claims, "run on Dunkin". And its true! The pace of life is so much faster that 6 years later when we moved back to Iowa, the slow, friendly, chatty pace of store clerks and service workers almost caused me to go postal. COMEONPEOPLE!!! I got places to go and people to see! People out there start their day at 9 and end it at 3, but still accomplish as much as here, where we start work at 8 and end at 5.
Our first experience with "OUR" D&D was a lesson in east coast etiquette. The long line at 9am zipped through, and suddenly we found ourselves face to face with a Stephanie Plum-esk Jersey girl, complete with big hair, silver hoops the size of hub caps, and an accent that let me know I would be "taken care of", if you know what I mean. "What can I getcha, hon?", not said sweetly, but as if we were wasting the most precious of times. To which we replied, "um... well... I'm not really sure...how about...", and suddenly, she screams, "NEXT!!!" and we were efficiently jostled out of the way.
We learned how to order. A regular hot medium means 2 creams, 2 sugars, not black coffee. If you say you want a coffee, with 2 creams and 2 sugars, they look at you like you have something wrong with you. Its all about efficiency. What do you want, hot or cold, what goes in it, what size, and make it snappy. Our D&D girls eventually saw us coming in line and knew what to make us, and knew that if we were alone, we should never leave that store without a coffee for our better half, or it could mean our marriage.
But the most important thing to understand about D&D was that the coffee they make in the store has crack in it. I'm not kidding. They sprinkle it in with the sugar. I know this because I realized one day that I was addicted. I caught myself saying "I like the way I feel on it." That's not something one usually says about coffee, is it? That's something you say when you're trying to get off the hard core stuff. I was so addicted. I still jones for it!
So now, before I can think or do, I must have my coffee. It's not my D&D coffee, made by my girls, just Folgers made with too many grinds brewed on strong. But it gets me moving! So thanks, D&D, for the mornings. I will never get over you!

I'm back I think

I am finally done with my classes for my Social Studies endorsement.
I am still subbing, but I did get two coaching jobs that will keep me hopping!
I am thick in the start of cross country, and now my dance team girls have an ambitous agenda for homecoming. The students are awesome, great attitudes and senses of humor. I like to try to run and dance with them, so it keeps me in shape.
We have 2 pottys and 2 places to clean our butts, and 3 sinks! It was a busy summer!
My big one is off to preschool 4 days a week. She loves school so much. We really neglected her learning this summer, mainly because she refuses to do "school stuff" outside of school.
Emily has been perfecting the art of sibling irritation. They both poke and prod at each other, take toys away, and tease when the other is in time out for some offense. Yelling and screaming and hitting is par for the course, despite repeated time-outs. Frustrating! But, she is a sweet, loveable, huggable, bundle of cuteness that is oh so kissable. She's happy to have mom home all to herself.
Jeremy is back to work, school starts for him this Thursday. I don't know that he is super excited about it, but it keeps his brain occupied!
That's it for now, hope to keep up my writing skills, now that I'm not using them to BS homework papers!