Worst mom ever!

My baby was having a great time playing. We were singing the potato song and pumping her legs because she hasn't pooped in a day (it will be massive when she finally does... still nothing as I type this) and I thought for the hundredth time this week, "hey, she's clawing her face a bit, I need to clip her nails"... and since I had been on a roll and had already clipped her older sister's finger nails, toe nails and bangs, I was feeling way to confident.

I asked my husband to get the clippers. I clipped her thumb and then went for the index finger, and what I thought was a hangnail was actually the tip of her finger! I maimed my daughter! She now has one finger that is 1/16th and inch shorter than her other fingers!

It didn't bleed right away, and she didn't cry right away, and for a minute I held my breath. Then her little face crumpled, her chubby jowls quivered and her lip stuck out. She looked at me with such horror and surprise that her mommy could do this. And then she started to cry, and bleed, and then I started to cry.

I had read about this happening to other moms, but I thought it would never happen to me and my babies, I was too careful! My husband did not reassure me right away, but instead scolded me saying "you shouldn't have done it when she was so active". He's right, but that doesn't mean I didn't think about smothering him in his sleep, for a split second. (okay, maybe two.)

But I had been waiting, and waiting, and waiting for the right time, thinking when everything quiets down and she is asleep, or after I feed her, or when Jeremy is home to help, and I kept forgetting, so I have to do things when I think of them or they will never get done. I walk by so much stuff that needs to get done, waiting for the kids to give me a break, and it just stays there waiting. I try to seize the moment, which usually ends up with me running around the house not getting much accomplished but merely containing the tornado made by the two year old.

Well, this will teach me! Better to put of till tomorrow what could turn into a disaster today!